


Her Sanctuary

by Gingersnapped907



Category: Major Crimes (TV)
Genre: A/U, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Shandy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-19
Updated: 2017-08-29
Packaged: 2018-12-04 00:36:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 39,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11543766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gingersnapped907/pseuds/Gingersnapped907
Summary: This story was inspired from a picture Tony posted a few years ago of him in a doctor's outfit.It is an A/U fic, though it's mostly just Andy career that is different.Captain Sharon Raydor gets hurt and is in need of medical attention, then meets Dr. Andy Flynn.Can he help her? He can heal her body but can he heal her heart? Will they start having feelings for each other?Trigger warning: anxiety/panic attacks





	1. Chapter 1

~Her Sanctuary~  
Disclaimer: I own nothin' of Major Crimes, nothin'!  
Trigger warning: anxiety/panic attack

Her shaky hands reached out to accept the business card he was holding out for her. When she could finally focus on the small letters to be able to read it she quickly looked up at him with her eyes widen in shock. She didn't say anything; she knew he could see the question there in her eyes. She was grateful when he started to speak to break the tension building, until she comprehended his words. "Sharon, I can't see you anymore. I've done what I can for you. That is the name of another respectable doctor I know." To her, his tone was impassive, as if she was just another patient, "I think you are doing great and..."

"Oh...oh ok," she interrupted him because she really didn't need to hear her doctor, well now her ex-doctor, lecturing her on how he couldn't help her anymore. That was a fact that she knew already. Trying to sound calm though she was feeling anything but, she said in a tone that was as flat as the one he used on her, "thank you, Dr. Flynn. I'll be sure to call him if I need to," and she waved the card he had given her back and forth. With that Sharon turned on her heels and hastily made her way out of his office. She continued her quick pace through the reception area keeping on a smile as she passed by the other waiting patients but as soon as the main office doors closed behind her the smile automatically fell off her face. Sharon knew she had just made a fool of herself in front of the first man she had liked in years, many many years. He was most certainly the first person she felt she could open up to about why she was even at a doctor's office. Dr. Flynn had known some of what she had been through and it had been easier to eventually reveal it all. Now he was basically telling to leave him alone that he was done with her. As her heart started to race she knew she had to get out of there.

Sharon's eyes took in her surroundings frantically to find a way out of the building. She needed to get home as soon as possible, before it got worse and it always got worse. Looking down the hallway towards the elevators she could see a crowd waiting to get on. Sharon quickly scanned the area for the stairs. She had no desire to breakdown in front of a bunch of strangers or to be in an enclosed space. So she headed away from the buildings busy bank of elevators and took unsteady steps towards the stair doors she had found. With one hand Sharon skimmed her fingertips along the wall, it made her feel a bit anchored as she walked. If she concentrated on the solidness of the wall it helped her mind to know that the world wasn't collapsing in on her. It gave her something else to focus on instead of her increasing pulse and the sharpness of her breathes. Sharon didn't know what she was doing here anyways. She had have known better and she would have if she was in the right frame of mind lately. Therein lied the problem, she hadn't been thinking straight for awhile now. Or she would have understood that she had been making a fool out of herself. She hadn't really needed to see a doctor for a few weeks and she knew that he knew why she kept making unnecessary appointments and taking up the good doctors' valuable time.

Though she hadn't been cleared to return to active duty yet. Her body had physically healed since the incident but the LAPD psychologist said she wasn't emotionally prepared to return to the field. It had been three months since... as soon as her thoughts went back to that time Sharon felt her heart begin to rapidly beat harder in her chest. When her knees started to buckle she knew she needed to sit now before she fell. So she slowly let herself sit down on the stairs just as her anxiety hit her hard. Please, now here not now she pleaded with herself. Sharon took short quick breaths but it was just making it worse, she knew and it was only causing her to panic that much more. She could feel the pressure building in her chest, and her heart was beating so fast it felt as if it would explode if she didn't calm herself down.

Somewhere in her head her rational thoughts were saying that she was safe now and nothing was going to happen to her but Sharon knew she would be beyond rationality if she didn't stop what was happening. She had a lot of practice these last few months at steadying her breathing and leveling out her heart rate. It didn't always work, especially when she had first gotten home but if she could just get some control of herself and make it to her car, she could deal with it in the privacy of her home not on the staircase of a professional office building.

Forcing herself to take a couple deep breaths holding them in and letting them out very slowly. As she did this Sharon looked around at her surroundings, taking in the gray narrow stairwell. The space wasn't as bad as an elevator would be, but there were no windows and the air was stale. It reminder her of where she had spent the worst days of her life. Sharon immediately closed her eyes to get the sight of the tight space out of her view but the darkness behind her eyelids was worse. Oh dear God once again she felt like there just no escape. She had thought she could have gotten out of there before she was too far-gone to help herself. Before she was thrown into a complete panic attack. Squeezing her eye closed tighter as if that would stop the memories from surging back. She gripped on to the railing just above her head and laid her face against the pole she was leaning on. Maybe the cool metal would help distract her thoughts. Sharon didn't want to think of that traumatic time at all, not ever again.

Her therapist had warned her over and over if she didn't talk about what happened, let it out, it would slowly absorb her life until she wouldn't be able to function. He explained how suddenly one day something would set off a chain reaction when she least accepted it. Then all the memories she had been suppressing, refusing to let come to the surface would come flooding back. That they would flow into her mind like a dam cracking letting an overwhelming tidal wave of powerful water come forth, drowning her. To break through her own thoughts she said out loud, "Sharon, get a hold of yourself and get up." It was a weak attempt to motivate herself to use her inner courage to slow her breathing and to stand, before someone actually found her like this. So she reached back up and with her hand in a tight grip around the cool metal stair-rail she managed to pull herself up. Leaning on the bar for some support and after a couple longer deep breathes she forced her shaky legs to move down one step at a time until she finally pushed open the exit door. Sharon had to blink rapidly and shaded her eyes with her hand at the brightness of the LA sun beating down on her as she stood in the doorway.

The feel of the sunshine hitting her face and the warmth of it helped slow down her hyperventilating. Though she still felt light headed, what she needed was to get home. Sharon had no desire to do this here. She knew if she could at least make it to her car until this passed then she would make it home. She needed solitude. No, actually she knew she needed Rusty. Her youngest son was the one that always seem to bring her out of her episodes when they got to where they were encompassing her. Sharon was sure there was a lot guilt on Rusty's part, though none of what happened to her was his fault at all. But now he was overly concerned and was being overly protective. She only got to go alone to this appointment today because Rusty had finals and well, she didn't actually tell him she was going out. Sharon was feeling smothered lately by Rusty, Andrea, Gavin and her team.

Surprisingly to her she had finally convinced Emily and Ricky to go home just last week and get on with their lives. Sharon explained to them that they couldn't put their world on hold to sit and watch their mom do nothing all day. She was fine and her children had jobs and commitments of their own that they needed to take care of. Though she liked having all three of her kids at home, they had been with her too long and she was sure it was because they were a bit afraid to leave her. She was grateful to have her kids with her but after months of them babying her she had banned them from entering her bedroom at least. It was the one place she could escape to when she needed to be left alone. Though the nights were always the hardest for her, she didn't foreseeing that changing anytime soon. It was just something else she would have to deal with and get on with her life the best she could. Like everything else that had that effect on her, she put into the back of her mind. Sharon's biggest worry was that it was becoming a very crowded space back there with all things she tried to forget about, but really couldn't.

As she had been thinking she had also been taking small baby steps towards her car. Sharon reached in her purse for her keys as she approached closer to her parking spot. Having to stop every few steps to take a deep breath to try and calm herself she was making slow progress to completing her escape. Maybe, just maybe she make it. If she didn't let her mind drift away from focusing on how each little steps was getting her closer to her car and her way to get out of here before embarrassing herself even more. If she concentrated on each movement then there was no room in her mixed up jumbled mind of hers to be over-thinking on other topics. Sharon refused to let invade her thoughts anymore.

Taking another deep breath in through her mouth then slowly releasing it through her nose, Sharon took another small step. She could do this one even with what she felt like was inept steps at a time, one task at a time that was her new motto in life for the last few months. It was the only way for her not to get too overwhelmed. A few steps later she leaned on a pole in the parking lot to finally found her keys. It gave her an excuse to stop; Sharon was hoping she only looked like a silly female searching for her keys lost in her purse. When in all actuality what she really was doing was a person trying to get control of her anxiety before it got control of her. Right now she barely had a grip on her breathing and her heart felt like it was beating out of her chest.

Sharon continued to take slow breaths so she didn't pass out from this panic attack she was refusing to admit she was having. Gripping her keys tightly, she took the last few steps to her car. The feel of her keys digging into the palm of her hand kept her mind on the here and now, not the incident that was causing her to act like this. It helped her to think of what a few months ago as an incident and more like a case rather then something that happen to her. Relaxing the hold on her keys Sharon hit the unlock button and the sound brought to her a feeling of relieve. It let her know in a few moments she would be sitting in her car and could block out the world.

Opening the door as steadily as she could with her shaky hands, Sharon unceremoniously plopped down into the driver's seat. Reaching out she pulled the door closed and quickly started the car. She knew full well she was in no condition to drive yet but the heat inside the car was unbearable to sit in it without the AC on. After a few minutes she cranked the cool air up as high as it would go. By the time she was shivering from the cold that surrounded her in the car her breathing was much slower as was her heart rate. Though now her head was hurting from all the quick breathing and the panic that filled her but at least she felt a little more under control. Sharon figured she could safely drive home now. So she took one more deep breath, which was more a cleansing breath than anything else then carefully backed her car out of her parking spot. Feeling accomplished but still miserable as she slipped the gearshift into drive and drove away from her doctor's office, mentally she promised herself she would never ever come back to this place. There was absolutely no way she was seeing Dr. Andrew Flynn ever again.

As Sharon drove she thought how this time was better then when she tried to go shopping on her own before. Her panic attack had hit her so hard that she had to call Andrea to come pick her up. It has taken her friend a good twenty minutes to find her in one of the malls many bathrooms. Sharon hadn't wanted her kids to see her like that. She couldn't fathom on why she thought she could handle a mall at the stage she was in. She had assumed a little shopping would do her good. It was just a chance to get out even if she didn't buy anything but to her way of thinking she would be around people. Sharon figured it was better than being alone but then suddenly there was too many sounds, too many lights, too many voices and too many people. It seemed they were all staring, though most weren't, having recognize her from the news and to Sharon they knew who she was and a lot of what she went through. She had never been comfortable with even her friends knowing too much of her life, let alone complete strangers. She did understand the stares to point for after all it wasn't very often that a LAPD police captain, a female police captain at that, disappears with not much of a trace.

******************************

Dr. Andrew Flynn had been standing staring out the window that overlooked the parking lot and surrounding areas since Sharon Raydor basically stormed out of his office as fast as her long sleek legs could take her. He slipped his hands in his pockets as he nervously pondered what he had just done, when the woman of his thoughts came into his line of vision. Sharon caught his eye as she was walking, well she was somewhat walking if not a bit wobbly through the rows of cars. Andy could tell she was having a hard time of it and had to stop every few feet to collect herself. His first instincts were to run down there and help her but he knew her well enough already that she was too proud, too stubborn to accept help from anyone, least of him right now. She is very beautiful too. Not that the last part affected the way Sharon acted but it had a great deal of an effect on how he acted.

Andy forced himself to walk away from the window, he knew that she wouldn't want him to see her like that so he sat back down at his desk. He adjusted his glasses and glanced through Sharon's records making sure they were in order for the new doctor, that is if she ever went to one. He knew he couldn't see her anymore. It was better he to do it this way, to make a clean break of it all. Andy had known she wasn't going to take it well but he was doing it for her. Sharon was at the point that she needed to see that she was ready to stand on her own. She didn't need to keep coming back to see him when she was physically healing faster than anyone he had seen.

In doing what he had just done, he didn't think it would be this heart breaking. It was harder than he expected, to see the sadness in her eyes and to see her run away from him. It was harder still to see a strong independent woman like Sharon to look so devastated or let down by him. Over the time they had known each other they had become friends and now he had just told her he could be there for her. Andy had come to the conclusion weeks ago that he couldn't be Sharon Raydor's doctor anymore once he realized he was completely in love with his beautiful patient. He wasn't too sure it was something either one of them was ready for.

~TBC~


	2. Chapter 2

~Her Sanctuary~

Trigger warning of anxiety/panic attack  
________________________________________

When Sharon finally made it home Rusty wasn't back from class yet. Though she knew he could help her through this, she was relieved that he wasn't here. She didn't want him to see her like this, especially when she hadn't told him she was going out. Now after her complete disaster of a doctor's appointment, she just wanted to be alone. Completely unlike her, Sharon dropped everything, purse, keys, and she toed out of her shoes as she walked. Her sweater slid off her shoulders and down her arms, not caring where it landed, she immediately escaped to her bedroom. As she opened her door with a shaky hand, her eyes had to adjust to the darkness when she stepped into her room. To give herself a minute, she leaned back on the closed door and tried to take another calming breath.

Though her anxiety had lessened, she was still working on getting her heart rate and breathing under control, this in turn made her panic more. It was a vicious cycle, where one symptom would lead to the other. She didn't like this feeling of being out of control of her own body. It did help that her room was cool and dark, which to most would seem the opposite of what she would want. As per usual of late, she liked to keep her room dim. Taking a more determined step towards her bed, she slipped her skirt off and let it fall to the floor, and then Sharon crawled under her covers and let out a long sigh. She was already feeling a bit at ease. This was her safe place. She liked to think of it as her sanctuary if you will. There was nowhere safe, her memories could still get her here but at least in her room she could go through it by herself. Sharon didn't like to break down in front of other people, she would much rather go through all of this alone.

Sharon lay in bed with the covers up over her head, eyes closed tight, she took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. She repeated the calming exercise over and over. Yes, it was working, but all of this just made her angry and disappointed in herself for not being able to handle what was happening to her. In her mind, she knew it wasn't rational to blame herself. Sharon also knew it wasn't her fault, none of this was, but that was easier to say than to feel. Though maybe today was her fault, but she had to try. She had to know if she could do it on her own, she was fine until her doctor rejected her and she did make a mistake that dreadful day months ago, but that mistake shouldn't have cost her this much. Within her anxiety was anger and most of her anger was at the idiots that put her in the situation that caused all this. Her therapist had said her feelings were normal. In her dark sanctuary Sharon rolled her eyes, as she said quietly, "normal what is normal anyway?" He went on to tell her that she needed to go through all the emotions, to feel them and express them, but she seemed to be really stuck on anger lately.

Instantly Rusty knew something was up as soon as he opened the condo door and his eyes dropped down to notice Sharon's purse lying on the floor just inside the doorway. He closed the door and took in the rest of the surroundings. His mom's keys were not in their usual spot and her shoes looked like she kicked them off haphazardly as she made her way in their condo. Leaving things like this was nothing like Sharon, unless she was going through one of her episodes and was in a big hurry to get to her room. What had him more worried was the items on the floor were evidence that Sharon went somewhere. She told him she would be home all day so he wasn't too worried about her today. He should have known better, Rusty thought as he picked up her discarded items and went towards her closed bedroom door.

Bending down to pick up the last item, he noticed it was her favorite sweater. He held them all in his hands as he at listened at the door to see if he should go in and check on her now or give her space. The room seemed silent to him so he decided to give her some time to herself. He made his way to the kitchen to make them both a light dinner, putting away his mom's dropped items as he went. Rusty knew if she was going through an attack right now or recovering from one she wouldn't want to eat. Sharon would stop taking care of herself and just want to hide in her room, but he knew she would eat a little for him and that was what was important. This way Rusty figured she would at least come out of her room and join him. Knowing Sharon couldn't tell him no especially when she was like this, needing help that she would not admit to needing, Rusty had no problem using that to his advantage.

She didn't know how long she had been laying in her room when she heard a knock on her door. Sharon peeked her head out from under her duvet and offered a quiet, "come in." The open door sent unwanted light into her dark domain. Her eyes followed her son as he came in and sat next to her on the bed.

Even with the hallway light, the room was still set in a low glow. Just enough light filtered in for him to see her eyes were a dull green with a touch of weariness in them. Rusty wouldn't bring anything up or ask her any questions, yet. He wanted to give her time to open up to him when she was ready. Acting like nothing happened, he casually said, "hey there, I have dinner ready for us and it's your..." He placed his hand on an exposed part of Sharon's arm that was holding the covers just below her neck then removed it quickly when he felt her flinch. "So yeah, Sharon, it's your turn to pick the movie. See you out there in a few minutes." Not giving her a chance to respond even if she was going to, he stood up, she stayed silent as he left the room, closing the door behind him. Rusty was happy as long as he could get her out of that room, it's become like a cave or a hideaway for her. He didn't think she hardly ever turned the lights on in there anymore. He thought she was doing better the last few months and hoped his mom wasn't regressing.

Watching the door close, she let out a loud sigh and she flipped the covers back over her head once again. Sharon couldn't stay hiding in her sanctuary much longer. She knew Rusty well enough to know he was telling her in his roundabout way to get her butt out of bed even if it was just to come sit on the couch and watch a movie with him. They learned from experience it was better for her and Rusty to be together after she went through one of these episodes. He wasn't easily fooled and knew that something had happened to her today for her to have to hide once again.

They ate dinner in silence. Sharon got down as many bites as she could, mostly for Rusty's sake so he wouldn't worry about her too much. He took their plates into the kitchen. Knowing there was no way her son was going let her help, she went and sat down on the couch. As she got settled she picked up a throw pillow next to her, wrapping her arms around it and holding it tightly to her chest. Sharon watched quietly as Rusty set down a cup of tea on the table in front of the couch for her. She narrowed her eyes as he kept walking past her and down the hallway out of her view. Her wondering where he was going ended when she felt him wrap a throw blanket from her room around her shoulders. Rusty did know what helped her feel better that was for sure. She didn't like being this much trouble for him. She was the mother and she supposed to be taking care of him not vise-versa. Sharon gripped the pillow tighter with one hand and pulled the blanket fully around herself with the other.

Rusty sat next to her, clicking on the TV, he turned it to Netflix's and held out the controller to Sharon. She took out one hand from under her blanket and she waved it away, shaking her head no. Rusty looked at her concerned, he was well aware she hadn't said more than two words to him since he had been home. Whatever happen today must have been bad to put her in this kind state, he thought. "But Sharon it's your turn to pick the movie. I'll even watch a weepy chick flick," Rusty joked to her as he tried to get her to take the remote again.  
"Hmm," Sharon looked up at him and in a weak voice said, "thank you, Rusty. Thank you for dinner and thank you for doing this for me. You pick the movie, I won't make it through the first half hour anyways so pick something you like."

He looked at her as she curled up almost into a ball at the other end of the couch. Sharon was lying on her left side; Rusty knew it was her less uncomfortable side. Though she told him over and over she didn't hurt too much anymore, but the way she moved told him something different. He knew her injuries still hurt her; he could see she still had a hard time moving. Her feet were tucked under her and her knees were bent up to her chest. She was almost completely covered with the blanket he brought to her. Rusty knew if he wasn't here Sharon would have her head covered too like she did in her room. Deciding he had given her enough time, he jumped in with both feet by asking her flat out, "so are you going to tell me what triggered it today? You know the doctor..." Rusty stopped when he saw her flinch at the word doctor so he used a different word, "You know your therapist oh and Dr. Joe said it was best if you identified what it is setting off the anxiety."

Sharon knew that Rusty had been talking to Dr. Joe about what happened and she was grateful he had someone he could to talk to. She felt like too much of a mess to help Rusty through his feelings about all this, when she couldn't deal with her own yet. With a sigh she finally asked, "Do you think we could talk about this tomorrow, Rusty? I promise I'll explain it all then. I'm just too exhausted to go into it now." Sharon was hoping she didn't sound as weak as she felt. Lifting her head up from the arm of the couch to look her son in the eye so he could see that she meant what she was about to say next. "I'm fine. Well, I'm better now. It's nice and comforting to just sit here with you. Again, thank you for all you have done for me and Rusty, I love you."

Rusty stopped scrolling through the comedy movie menu and looked over at his mom as she was talking to him. He couldn't see much of her but he could hear the strained tiredness of her voice. She then turned and their eyes met, her tone was more serious as she continued. He felt his eyes tear up when she had said in an almost frail voice, "I love you" to him. It had taken him a long time to get that Sharon really did love and care for him, that they weren't just empty words. Now, he was just trying to give back a little of what she had done for him. He watched as she laid her head back down on the edge of the couch. He heard her let out a quiet but long sigh, he could tell she was exhausted so he wouldn't push her. Rusty blinked back the moisture in his eyes then said with a nod of his head, "Ok, Sharon you can tell me whenever you're ready but will you stop thanking me, it's not necessary. I owe you more then I can ever repay you." When he heard her hum, he continued before she could interrupt him. "Yes, I know you've said over a hundred times I don't owe you anything, but let me do this for you. Sharon, I love you, too. More than I ever tell you."

Tightening the blanket around herself, Sharon closed her mist filled eyes when she saw Rusty was once again scrolling through the menu looking for a movie to watch. She knew Rusty carried the weight of guilt on his shoulders, which in turn weighed her down.  
________________________________________  
When Andy saw Sharon's name on the appointments for that day he knew something was up. She was healing well. Actually, her recovery was much faster than anyone he'd seen. Sharon Raydor did amaze him. In the physical capacity, she was healing fast. He learned quickly she was a determined, independent woman that didn't like to accept help or advice from anyone, even her doctor. So, he wasn't surprised that this woman over-worked herself to get released from the hospital. What did surprise him was she seemed to keep coming back to his regular office for checkups that he didn't think she needed. After the first month, he explained there wasn't much more that he could do for her. She was progressing faster than any of his other patients. That she should keep up with her physical therapy and to keep seeing her LAPD appointed therapist. It wasn't as if Andy really minded seeing Sharon more than he needed to. It was just that he was getting worried that her seeing him this much was holding back her emotional healing. He knew it was going to take a lot of courage from her to go on living her life the best she could after what she had been through.

He was well aware that his feelings for her were becoming very strong and it was actually hard for him to keep his hands off of her while doing his follow up exams. Andy knew it wasn't ethnical to have feelings like that for one of his patients. The problem was there wasn't really much he could do about it when he was already falling for her, except to let her go. He knew he was in over his head and the exact moment when it happened. It was when they were trying to save her life in the ER.

Andy had been called at home to come in for an emergency surgery. By the time he arrived at the hospital, the nurses and the ER resident doctor said that the patient had coded twice since being brought in, but she was now stable enough for the OR. As they were taking her back to prep her for surgery, the woman had opened her eyes for a brief moment and their gazes collided. Andy could tell her eyes were once a bright brilliant green, but right then all he saw was hurt, pain and the life draining from them. It made him gasp as they wheeled her by him and he saw a plea in her eyes to help her. Right then and there he vowed to take away that pain and do everything in his power to keep this woman here with them, with him.

When they were in his office and Andy had sent her away that was harder than the long hours he, a team of surgeons and many nurses spent trying to keep her in this world. He had just met her and he didn't want to lose her now. In all actuality he didn't really know Sharon, but there was something about her that drew him to her. It was as if he had known her a long time though he knew he had never met her before. Andy was sure he would never forget a beautiful woman like Captain Sharon Raydor. The ringing of his phone brought his mind back from the memories.

When he was done talking to his assistant about his next appointment, he took a breath, adjusted his glasses and looked out the window again. He was relieved to see Sharon wasn't in the parking lot anymore. It broke his heart to watch the woman he was head-over-heels in love with struggle to get to her car. He hoped it was from anger at him and not pain that made it so hard for her to move. Her anger at him was probably what was giving her the strength to make it to her car. Andy could tell instantly from her cold tone, though she didn't even need to speak, he could tell from her glare and from her posture as she took the business card he offered. Why Sharon was mad he didn't really know. She showed no signs of interest in him. In fact, it seemed she was trying to push him away. It did seem that she was comfortable with being friends, but when Andy joked around once about when she wasn't his patient anymore, they could stop meeting in the office on these non-dates and go out on a real date. He could see her shut down, so he never mentioned it again.

Even the times in the hospital when he checked in on her, she never held eye contact very long with him. When they talked, she used as little words as possible and quick responses. To him it seemed Sharon was only interested in having him sign her release papers so she could go home, but then she kept coming back to his office so she could convince him she was ready for active duty. Finally, he cleared her for desk duty only because she wasn't ready for fieldwork especially if that involved holding a gun. Her right shoulder and arm told them both she couldn't hold it high enough or steady enough on its own, let alone to shoot a gun. Andy knew that news did not make her happy and that was why he thought she kept coming back to see him, to keep trying to get her doctor's orders lifted. Spinning back around in his chair to his desk, he slipped off his glasses and with his other hand he rubbed the back of his neck. Not seeing her on a regular basis was going to be much harder than he thought.

~TBC~

A/N: A thank you for the Kudos!!


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter by Gingersnapped907  
Her Sanctuary

This is an AU fic  
________________________________________  
Sharon's last anxiety episode was two months ago and she hadn't had any panic attacks since that dreadful day at her doctor's office. Though it had been bad one, it did seem to help her work things out in her head. Sharon began to wonder shortly after that if maybe Andy was her trigger. Though that day it was her fault, she was the one that initiated it. As Sharon sat behind her desk signing off on paperwork she rolled her eyes and thought back to that moment, still not believing that she had asked her doctor out to dinner.

Dropping the pen in her hand Sharon wondered. What would make her think someone like the prestigious, handsome, and so well put together Dr. Andrew Flynn would want to go out to dinner with someone as messed up as her? Though Sharon really thought after all the months of her recovery and him saving her life, there was a bond between them. Once again she was wrong, and it threw her into a tailspin that took her awhile to get out of. For someone like Dr. Flynn, it probably happened to him a lot, people falling for him. He would help or save someone and they would become enamored by him. When Sharon realized she cared for him, she started thinking they were becoming more than just friends. It was hard for her to do, but she worked up the courage to take a leap of faith and ask her handsome doctor to dinner. She was definitely wrong thinking there was something growing between them. Unfortunately, she out the hard way and made a fool out herself in the process.

Sharon ran her hand across her forehead then picked up her pen. She needed to concentrate on the paperwork in front of her not on something that can never be. That lasted about fifteen minutes before her mind drifted back into a dangerous territory. The problem was, for her, there had been an instant connection to him the first time she remembered looking into his eyes. It was after she woke up from the medically induced coma. The nurses explained to her later that the coma was to help her body heal. The nurse paged the doctor as she slowly awakened. Sharon thought she was dreaming when he walked into her hospital room. Her first reaction was her doctor was a very nice looking man. Though she barely felt human, this man standing beside her bed reviewing her charts got the butterflies in her stomach to start flapping their wings. Her first thoughts should have been that she was grateful to be alive or that she was not still trapped in that horrible place. Certainly not how one handsome, albeit extremely handsome man made her feel.

Through the haze of the medication she was under, it was crazy for her to feel like her stomach dropped from just looking into the deepest brown eyes she had ever seen. It must be the pain she was in since she wasn't thinking straight. Sharon Raydor didn't fall for any man that fast and it been years since anyone made her feel like this. Yes, definitely it was the morphine pumping through her system. She barely heard anything he said to her, for she was only focused on the rich tone of his voice and how it was sending chills down her spine to her toes. She only caught a few key words as he explained the multiple surgeries she went through. As he talked, Sharon looked up into his eyes and a memory flashed in her mind. She had seen those eyes before, but where? It wasn't until the doctor said he wasn't sure her body was going to be strong enough for another surgery that she realized why his concerned gaze seemed so familiar and safe to her. It was from when they were working on her in the ER. She had been fighting with all she had to stay in the land of the living. She didn't want to leave her kids behind. She and Rusty hadn't had enough time together. She wasn't ready to let go of life. As she fought to hold on, they wheeled her away. She happened to have enough strength to open her eyes when she heard a voice. The one she was now listening to, he was calling out orders with authority on what everyone needed to do. He happened to look down at her and their gazes locked. Sharon pleaded with no words since she had nothing left in her to form them, for him to help her make it through all this. She knew she would be so mad if she had lived through her ordeal just to die now that she was free.

If she recalled his name right, Dr. Flynn's voice brought Sharon back to the present, as he was listing the extent of her injuries and what he had repaired. Frankly she didn't care to hear them all right now. Her main concern was not about herself, but if her kids were safe, if they were notified and if for their sake, she would live. Her throat hurt too much to talk yet and her eyes were too heavy to stay open. As she drifted off to sleep again, she felt a warm hand hold hers then give it a light squeeze. She heard the soft words of her doctor say, "don't worry Sharon your team has contacted all three of your children. Your boys are already here and your daughter is in-flight as we speak. Ricky and Rusty are in the waiting room with your entire division and have asked me to tell them when you wake up. You should sleep now. It's important you get your rest. You have a long fight ahead of you. Sharon, your job right now is to rest and let your body heal, that's all. I will go give the kids and your team an update. So sleep and don't worry."

As Sharon was being pulled under she thought, how did he know she was concerned about her kids? She could have sworn she felt the back of his hand ghost across her cheek, then softly move the hair out of her eyes. It was all done very tenderly, but she was in a fog from the painkillers so she was sure she was dreaming. She thought back on it all now. Sharon had vague memories of what she went through at the hospital, but she could remember clearly everything, every little minute detail of what she went through during the days she was missing. A shudder ran through her body and she stiffened. It felt like she was back in that dark cold place again. A "you are safe now, Sharon," was softly whispered next to her ear. The warmth of his breath and the feel of his hand running through her hair helped her relax again. An ease settled in her body that she hadn't felt in days, it made her feel safe. That and the smooth velvet way the doctor said her name was the last thing she remembered before the darkness took her.

It had now been a total of four months since she ended up in Dr. Andrew Flynn's operating room, a slow tedious four months. To be more accurate, it had been four months, three days and an odd amount of hours since she had barely escaped with her life. It started with a call to have her meet to get evidence that someone had involving a future plot to kill six LA judges. Sharon figured there was no reason to tell her team; it seemed like a regular meet up at first. A quick briefing with her informant and then she'd have the proof she needed. In hindsight she should have at least told someone where she was going. Though there were times when a witness or CI couldn't be seen either at the PAB or they wanted nothing to do with police at all. It was pretty standard thing to do. Sharon felt rather fortunate that this person was willing to meet with her at all. He said they had to sneak the important Intel away from the leader of the group that was planning the murders.

The address wasn't far out of the city and it wasn't late at night. Everything should have gone just as she planned. To tell herself the truth, it all seemed very routine. It turned out to be something very far from routine. It was in fact a set up. Sharon was mad at herself because everything could have been prevented. If she weren't overconfident or as stubborn as she always was, she wouldn't have put her family and friends through all the worry and heartache that they went through. It wasn't so much about the pain she endured, it was more about the anguish she put her loved ones through. If only she had made one little phone call, none of this would have happened. It was easy to place the blame on herself. Sharon knew she would have been furious if one of her team members had done what she did or anyone in the entire LAPD for that matter. She learned another lesson the hard way, one that almost cost her, her life.

They found out later how the mix up happened and how nobody realized she was even missing until the early hours of the next morning. The guilt Rusty carried now was that he assumed Sharon was on a case when he got home and she wasn't there. It wasn't like it was unusual for her to be gone at all hours. The fact was the team was called out, but Sharon wasn't with him then nor was she with the team. It took Lieutenant Provenza repeatedly calling her son at four in the morning until he answered to ask if Sharon was there. Louie told Rusty the team was rolled out to a crime scene at midnight, but the Captain wasn't in her office by the time they cleared the scene and got to the squad room. The second-in-command didn't want to worry him, but they needed all the information on where Sharon could be. This was not like the rulebook following, law loving Captain Raydor.

Sharon constantly relived all that happened to her over and over. It never really was ever out of her thoughts. Yes, she was capable of pushing it to the back of her mind to function, but there were times that there was no stopping the flood of dark painful memories when they came rolling in on her. Sharon's mind would flashback, and once again, she felt like she was in searing pain.

It happened so fast it was all a blur at first. The sudden jolt of pain made it hard for her to focus. It got so bad it caused Sharon to lose control of her car. She swerved and collided into the guardrail of the mountain road. The force of the impact sent her car breaking through the strong metal that was supposed to prevent this, and then crashing over the cliff. Her car flipped over multiple times down the hill finally coming to a stop, landing on its roof. As she sat there dazed, confused and in agony she tried to figure out what just happened. Maybe she could piece it together if she could get her head to stop spinning, she groaned at the building headache. 

At first Sharon thought she hit a large bump in the road that maybe caused her to lose control. That could have been it, but that didn't explain the pain she felt beforehand. In between trying to fight to stay conscious, Sharon heard voices fading in and out. They got louder as they approached her car. She knew without a doubt this was all intentional when Sharon heard, "damn, she's one tough lady. I thought for sure that crash would have killed her if the gunshot didn't. That was some good aiming."

"Dang, man that was a pretty nice crash. The way her car caught the air as it left the cliff then rolled and rolled with pieces falling everywhere it was just like in a movie." Through the haze in her head, she recognized one of the voices, as he got closer. "Well, Mrs. Hoyte Toyte police captain, you don't look so tough now, do ya?" Sharon kept repeating in her head the name of the man she knew. She couldn't stay conscious for much longer and she wanted to try and remember who it was that was doing this to her.

"The boss says if she survives this, to follow through with the second part of the plan. He also wants to make sure the Wicked Witch, as he called her, suffers painfully before they find her. Which we will make sure it's too late to matter by then, anyways." All this was coming to her in bits and pieces. She shuddered at the thought that they had more plans for her and they didn't intend to let her get out of this alive. Sharon tilted her head a bit when they mentioned her nickname at the LAPD. That's where she knew one of them from.

"Yeah, yeah fine, ok I'll get her, you make sure her personal effects are left with her car, especially the bitch's cell phone. That way when that stupid team of hers realizes their boss is missing they'll track her phone and find her car but she'll be a long gone by then. Now go get some tools to get her out of this twisted wreck." It was quiet after that, as Sharon blacked out... 

She didn't know how long she was out when she heard the god-awful sound of screeching metal and suddenly Sharon was dragged roughly out of the newly ripped opened car door. She tried to remain as quiet as she could, but the pain was too intense. She was sure her left arm was broken. Her left side took the brunt of the shocking hit after slamming through the guardrail and going over the cliff. Sharon was pretty sure her ribs were only bruised since she could still take a deep breath, though it did hurt. Her head ached from being knocked into the driver's window, along with neck and chest pain from the impact of the airbags and seat belt. Her right shoulder throbbed where the bullet ripped through her. Now she knew why she lost control of the car.

The nausea Sharon felt from her memories made her feel she was actually back there again making her stomach turn. As she forced herself to open her eyes, she looked around grateful that she was sitting at her desk at work. While she was in the hospital, she found out the men who took her had left her in a remote cabin. She was thankful now that she hadn't received a broken leg or ankle in the crash. She remembered her helplessness when she tried to stand and the pain in her hip caused her to black out. When she woke up again, she was crumpled on the floor. Even now, if she closed her eyes, she could feel the rough, cold wood against her cheek. The biggest problem, she realized was if she couldn't stop the blood loss from her shoulder, she wouldn't make it through the night. As she relived the pain, her hand went to her injured shoulder. Sharon remembered searching for anything to stop the blood flow and desperately searching for a way to get out of there.

She spun in her chair to look out into the rest of the office. They were all hard at work at their desks. Sharon was told that while she was trying to find a way out, her team had been gathering information. They found the abandoned cabin she was locked away in, was owned by a dirty cop who she put in jail years ago in her IA days. He just got out of prison a few weeks ago and found some other lowlife punk and his old partner to help him give her what they thought she deserved.

The thing was probably half the LAPD felt she deserved what she got. There was no love lost from most of her colleagues. Even now coming into work after being cleared for desk duty only, she got looks just walking into the PAB. She would quickly, well as fast as she could, make her way to the elevators. Her goal was to look unfazed from the stares and whispers to make it to the 9th floor. Besides her room inside the Major Crimes Division was where Sharon felt safe and secure. This was a complete turnaround from when she felt unwanted there. Her presence alone used to have everyone in this murder room on edge and everyone would stop talking when they saw her.

It was a knock on her office door that dragged her out of her thoughts this time. She ran a shaky hand across her forehead then straightened up in her chair before saying a clear, "come in." Sharon surprised herself at how steady her voice was. She was even more surprised to see Assistant Chief Taylor walk through her door. He rarely came into her Murder Room anymore; at least not since after the day she had been released for desk duty. She stood up slowly; her body still ached here and there when she sat for too long. It was the stiffness in her hip that hurt the most. Though she made sure there was no evidence of her discomfort on her face. Sharon wouldn't give Taylor the satisfaction of knowing she came back to work too early. She did find it rather ironic since all she was released for was to sit behind a desk and that was the hardest thing for her to do. Sharon straightened up fully and pulled down her jacket sleeves with a few sharp tugs before questioning her boss. "What finds you over here, Chief?"

Russell Taylor did not want to be there, so his tone came off sharp as he said, "Hello, Captain Raydor, please, sit. I just need a quick word." After knowing all that Raydor had been through and how he had all but given up finding her alive, it felt awkward standing there in front of her. If it wasn't for her determination and her division, he knew for a fact that Provenza would have a new boss to be complaining about. The awkward part of it all was that Taylor knew that she knew.

Sharon could tell he was nervous. He always seemed to act that way around her now. Taylor knew that she and the entire LAPD police force all knew that he didn't expect to find her alive after she had been missing for three days. She could see him calling off the search to try and save the police department money when he thought finding her was a lost cause. Lieutenant Provenza told her Taylor was calling it a body recovery search instead of a search and rescue. "Oh no I'm fine, I'll stand." She didn't think she could handle sitting again right now and there was no way she was going to show the one person that pretty much gave up on her ever being found, that she was tired or feeling weak. Sharon walked around her desk, leaning against it for support and crossed her arms. It was something she always did to guard herself, even if it did hurt her shoulder; it still comforted her to do it. That was when she saw the envelope in Taylor's hand.

After only a few minutes of Taylor talking at her, Provenza rushed into her office without knocking, "Captain." He stopped and looked between the two of them. "Oh, sorry Chief didn't know you were in here. We need the Captain's powers of puzzle solving as soon as possible." He raised his hand at Taylor and quickly added, "don't worry, we won't let her do any actual work. She's our resident desk monkey for now."

Taylor nodded at her and all but pushed the envelope he had been holding into her hands. As they watched Taylor hurry out of their murder room, Sharon walked up to the murder board then turned, looked over her glasses and stated. "I wasn't aware we even had a case, Lieutenant."

"Nope, we don't. As I said I needed your puzzle solving skills and I need help." Provenza walked over to his desk and held up his newspaper, "for the life of me I can't figure out thirteen down."

Sharon gave her lieutenant a sincere smile and tilt of her head. After the lump in her throat cleared away she said quietly, "thank you, Louie." She knew he intentionally got rid of the chief for her. They had definitely come along way, especially her second-in-command.

"Don't you worry about that idiot," Provenza called to her as she made her way back to her office. She stared at the invitation in her hand that Taylor gave or threw at her, to take. Now here she was, basically being forced to go to the LAPD Reserve Officer Gala. It wasn't mandatory for anyone to go, but the way Taylor said their boss, Chief Pope put it, she didn't have the option of not going. The woman captain that barely survived being taken and left for dead had to be there. The story had been all over the news and still was. Sharon hoped it would all go away.

Well, if she had no choice in this, then there was no way she was going alone. She called her best friend to go with her. After she wouldn't accept a no for an answer, not that he didn't jump at a chance to go to a gala, Sharon let Gavin talk her into going dress shopping. He made it seem he wouldn't go with her if he couldn't take the belle of the ball dress shopping. As excited as Gavin was on the phone with her about all this, you would think he was the one getting a new dress. As Sharon hung up her phone, she smiled for the first time in a long time.

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Dr. Flynn had not been his usual self for months now. He was seeing his patients and performing his duties but his head and heart weren't in it. Oh he still cared about what he was doing, but his mind would drift any chance it got. All it would take was a smell that reminded him of her perfume. It could be a woman passing by with almost the same hair color, almost. For nobody could have the same hair as Sharon Raydor, the color was rich and deep and the feel of it, he would never forget, was smoother than silk. He hoped she was doing well and was tempted to contact the doctor he recommended to ask if Sharon was seeing him, but that would be a breach of patient confidently and he couldn't do that. Andy didn't understand what had come over him. He had never acted like this with another woman before. He hoped time would ease the pain of sending the one person he wanted in his life more than anything away.

Sitting at his desk, he knew he should be finishing up with his patient files, but he kept tapping the envelope in his hand on the palm of his other hand. He had opened it and quietly closed it back up. Andy's first instinct was to crumble it up and throw it away, but something held him back. Keeping it in his hand, he again found himself looking out the window and thinking back to Sharon trying to walk across this very parking lot. It amazed him how strong and tough she was. Any one thing she had been through would have killed a lesser man. He recalled how many times he thought he lost her on his table and how happy he was to see her awake, to finally see the green of her eyes again.

After being called into her room by a nurse saying she was awake, they had made sure she was stable before removing the breathing tube. He saw the panic in her eyes and watched her body stiffen. He could tell that her memories and worries were getting the best of her. So wanting to calm her down, he reached out to the mother in her. He knew if Sharon was aware her kids were here or on the way, and they were safe, she would relax. It was comforting to see her go back to sleep a little less restless than she was. Andy sat in the chair next her bed. He spent a lot of off-duty time there since her surgery was over. He knew he did all he could to make sure she survived; now it was up to her and her will to live. From what he learned over the last long hours, Sharon Raydor had a lot of fight left in her and wouldn't be going down easy. He yawned, he was exhausted and should go home but he felt drawn to her and wanted to keep a close on her vitals in case she took a dramatic turn for the worse.

Andy finally left Sharon's bedside to do as he promised, and ended up spending hours in the waiting room with her family and team, which to him seemed that they cared for her like family too. They were all great people and welcomed him as if they had known him for years. Back in the here and now, Andy took a deep breath. He looked at the envelope he was holding again. He knew whom he wanted to take with him and he reached for his phone. As it rang, he smiled and felt hopeful for the first time in months.

~TBC~

A thank you for the Kudos and comment!!


	4. Chapter 4

~Her Sanctuary~ 

An A/U fic  
Disclaimer: I own nothin' of Major Crimes, nothin'!   
Trigger warning: anxiety/panic attack  
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As they stood at the entrance to the event, Sharon had no idea how she got talked into this. Well, ok she knew exactly how she got here at the LAPD Reserve Officers Gala, Taylor had left her no choice. Since she was going to be one of the honored officers, she had to be there, he told her. In all actuality, Sharon wanted to be almost anywhere else but here. She would consider this to be a good evening if she could keep her anxiety under control and not be overcome with panic and make a complete fool of herself. That was her goal for the night. All she knew was she had no idea how she got talked into wearing this dress. She took a slow glance down at herself and let out a long slow sigh.

The sight of her dress sent Sharon's mind back to when she and Gavin went in search of the perfect ensemble. After Taylor left her office that dreadful day, she immediately called the only person she could think of to help her out. He was so excited after she told him about the mandatory invite that it had her worried about what she got herself into. He insisted on taking her or forcing her, in her opinion, to go dress shopping. It turned into quite an adventure. The fact that Sharon didn't want to even go to this event and she didn't like to be around so many people didn't help start the day off very well, but by the evening hours her friend had her laughing so hard her side and stomach hurt.

She lost count on how many snort laughs he caused her, which in turn caused them both to giggle that much more. It was something she didn't realize that she really needed. Gavin helped her spend at least a day out of her head and away from the horrible memories. It was cheaper and much more fun than her therapy sessions. The day was spent with hours of shopping and hitting dozen of stores before Gavin finally decided on the "perfect dress" as he called it. The man said it was as if it was made for her. Sharon would have to agree, but she was still slightly uncomfortable in it. Yes, he got to choose the dress because Gavin said if he left up to her she would go to a formal gala wearing one of her old power-suits. With a hug before she changed, he told her she deserved this, and if they demanded she go, she might as well knock the entire LAPD's socks off.

Sharon had to admit that she felt a bit like a princess as she looked in the dressing room mirrors at herself, contemplating if she should just give up or give in to Gavin. In the end he won of course, well he was a top ranked lawyer who never lost a disagreement. Her eyes met her reflection once again, as her fingers nervously toyed with the fine material. The dress really was beautiful, she had to admit. It was an emerald green floor length gown that was made of silk. It had an empire waist that plaited to the left side held with a diamond loop brooch. What made her feel uncomfortable though, were the spaghetti straps on the dress. She hadn't gone sleeveless since the incident, and this dress left Sharon feeling completely exposed. The scar on her left arm where it was broken in the crash and required surgery to repair it was fading up but still very noticeable. The thin straps exposed her shoulders and the scar from where she was shot. Gavin said she should be proud of her battle scars, she earned every one of them. Sharon didn't agree with her friend, but she knew from the look on his face, she wouldn't win. Of course, dress shopping led to shoe shopping. Gavin happily explained she needed to have new shoes to go with the gorgeous new dress.

Their day faded into night and things settled down. Sharon now felt calmer since they finally found the right gown, even though she wasn't really sure how she was going to feel wearing such a fancy dress. Over dinner, which Gavin also insisted on when all she wanted to was run home to her room and hide, she could feel the stares around her. She was grateful to Gavin for helping her get through this, she never would have made it on her own. After a few bites, Sharon said sternly to the lawyer, "Well since you are making so many demands and insisting on putting me through all this," she pointed her salad fork at him, "I insist that you be my date for this farce of a function." She knew others would be honored, but this gala was held just seven months after the original one. That told her this was thrown together to force her to be seen in public. She didn't like to be made a spectacle of and she knew 100% that Taylor and Chief Pope were behind all of this as a publicity stunt.

"Well, of course I am, Darling," Gavin said with a smile and in his usual dramatic flair. Sharon was happy that he would be there with her, she needed at least one ally, someone to be her sanctuary when the panic attack struck. Sadly the one thing she was confident about was that she was absolutely sure the event would be too much for her and she would end up losing control of herself. That's what scared her the most. Just thinking about it made her pulse pick up and her chest hurt as her heart thumped harder. She didn't like this and she didn't like feeling like this. Sharon always fought hard to keep control. It was something she did in both her personal life and her professional one too. The worst thing would be for her colleagues to be witness to one of her anxiety attacks.

Now here she was willing herself to stay standing as her knees shook a little. It would probably be a shock to most of the LAPD force to think Darth Raydor was scared of something. Sharon just needed to make sure nobody could tell. She already felt extremely uncomfortable in the dress and Gavin insisted she wear her hair up with a few tendrils curled around her face. She felt exposed even more when she couldn't use the curtain of hair to block out the world. Without her hair covering her shoulders and face she felt out of place. Her hair was part of her armor to help her hide. When Sharon shook her head to try and clear her thoughts, she felt the long diamond earrings bump against her. Around her neck she was wearing a simple gold chain necklace with a diamond loop that matched the brooch on the dress and her earrings. Gavin gave them to her as he was helping her get ready. Sharon was sure he came over early to make sure she didn't back out of the gala. He put the necklace on her and when he turned to look at her, she could see the mist in his eyes. He explained they were a gift from him for making sure his best friend returned to him alive. A soft tug on her arm brought Sharon out of her thoughts. She looked at their joined arms, then up at the handsome man beside her. She could see the worry in his eyes, but she didn't think she could even fake a smile right now. All she wanted to do was turn and run.

Sharon felt Gavin's arm tighten around hers, holding her in place. He made it so she couldn't run even if she was physically capable. He placed his hand on her hand patting it to comfort her, which it didn't. He said sweetly, "Honey, stop fretting. You look fabulous, because of all my help, of course." Turning, he looked at her and got the expected Raydor glare but he continued unfazed, "Now stay out of that pretty little head of yours and enjoy your night. You are fine and I am by your side. Everyone is here to see the mighty, death defying Sharon Raydor, the woman who overcame and survived so much. You're everyone's hero."

"Oddly enough, this pep talk of yours is doing nothing to comfort me at all." Sharon looked at him and rolled her eyes, though she did end up genuinely smiling at him. Gavin always had a way to lighten the mood. They slowly made their way up the stairs. Steps were still hard for her, due to the unstable pelvis fracture she suffered from the initial crash. It healed after the surgery that left her with a plate and screws in her hip, but she was still sore and stiff. Sharon was still going to physical therapy a few times a week, and she knew she was improving. The tight dress and higher than normal stiletto heels Gavin picked out weren't helping her any either. Knowing that the man next to her understood all of this, they carefully took the steps one at a time. It looked more like they were doing an elegant slow entrance into the gala, instead of a clumsily awkward painful one, which was much closer to the truth. They stopped at the top landing by the big opened doors pausing mostly for her to catch her breath. Gavin looked around to see that yes he was right, they were all watching Sharon Raydor make her big entrance.

Without fully looking up, she acted as if she was more interested in her dress than where they were. Sharon didn't need to see to know everyone there was gawking at her because she could feel the heat of the stares. She wasn't sure if it was to see her fall on her face or they were all surprised that Sharon Raydor, the now victim of a crime, would come out in public at all. From the very beginning, she refused to do any press conferences, any talk shows nor would she speak to any reporters. If she were ever going to tell her story, it would be to her local live-in news writer, Rusty Beck. She would make sure her son got the exclusive behind what happened to her. That is, if she herself could let it out.

Yes, she knew someday her story would eventually come out and she would have to give her account of what happened. She wasn't ready for that yet, and she knew it would be very hard to do, to tell it to anyone, let alone her youngest son. Using the free hand her date wasn't holding on tightly to, she nervously played with the silk material as she tried to keep the harsh memories from returning. That was the last thing she needed right now, she had enough to deal with to make it through this evening. Sharon tried to make it seem as if her dress needed her attention and she was fixing it, not that she didn't want to meet anyone's eye. She had enough of feeling like she was on display. Without looking up, she quietly told her escort, "I'm going to the ladies room," as she tried to pull away.

"Now, now, Sharon, you can't go run and hide. Let's go find our seats." He gave her arm a slight tug, but she refused to budge. When he tried again and she wouldn't move, he decided to try another tactic, "how about we work out a deal offer, shall we? We'll mingle a little and after they make you the "belle" of the ball, I'll get you straight home." He turned toward Sharon and waited until she lifted her head and looked into her eyes. They were an empty green. Sadly, they had been like that for months now and Gavin was sure he could see the panic setting in. He wished there was a way he could see the glimmer in them again, like when she used to laugh and enjoy life. To keep her out of her head, he needed to get her to aimed on a goal. He needed to get Sharon's focus off the stares of the people around them. His mission tonight was to get his best friend through this and get her out of there as quickly as he could. Gavin leaned in and bumped her shoulder with his as he softly said, "everything will be fine, you have me and I won't leave your side. We'll get done here and I will get you home. Do we have a deal?"

Sharon knew he was using the justice system they both favored for his advantage. Gavin knew she liked the plea-bargaining process and that she couldn't pass up a chance to make deal. Though this wasn't one she cared for the final verdict with. She also knew he was being her friend and was just trying to help her. So, through gritted teeth, she answered begrudgingly, "fine, Gavin you have a deal. Just get me to our table so I can sit." The pain was getting for her and she wasn't sure how much longer she could hide it. "I sure hope it's not front and center."

With a laugh, Gavin replied as he patted her hand on his arm, "Oh, you know it is, Darling. Taylor is going to use you as much as possible. He'll try to get as much sympathy money he can out of the big donors to the LAPD funds."

As they headed towards the dining area Sharon muttered, "Great, just great," because she knew it was true. That would be something her boss would do. Slowly making their way, she could see Assistant Chief Taylor waving her over to sit by him, Chief Pope and the current mayor of LA, Eric Garcetti. What comforted Sharon was to see her team at the table beside them. They were there to show their support, though she was sure it was for her and not Taylor. They had come a long way since she took over the Major Crimes Division. Provenza offered her a small smile as they got closer. Sharon felt her lips lift slightly when he rolled his eyes behind Taylor's back. Everyone in the entire force knew exactly what Louie thought of the Assistant Chief. As soon as he saw her, Julio came up beside her to take her other arm to assist her. When she was about to say she didn't need any help, Mike held her chair out for her. She decided to put pride aside and just let her friends help. The Major Crimes Division were more than just colleagues together. They have definitely come along way. Amy smiled and gave her a slight wave of her fingers as she kept talking to Taylor. Sharon knew it was to distract him from overwhelming her.  
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Andy straightened his tie and put the finishing touches on getting ready for the LAPD gala tonight. Heading back into the bathroom, he ran a comb through his hair once again, then brushed his teeth for the third time. Why was he trying to make every little detail perfect, he asked himself, though he already knew the answer? Andy wanted to believe it was for his date, but he couldn't deny it was because Sharon Raydor would be there. It had been months since he saw her and he was really only invited because he was her doctor, which all only happened by chance that fateful night when she was rushed into his hospital's ER. He was at home after a long day at the office when he got the call regarding a GSW, broken bones, multiple contusions, abrasions, and possible internal injuries all on one victim.

He was not prepared for what he saw when he got to the ER. Even with the bruising and swelling, this woman was beautiful. He was taken back for a moment, but jumped into action when one of the nurses informed him the patient had coded twice before he got there. Once she was stabilized enough for surgery, Andy knew he must do whatever necessary to save this woman. Not that he wouldn't always do everything possible to save one of his patients, but there was just something different about her. There was an instant connection with her. Andy needed to save her to have chance to see what color her eyes were and to hear what her voice sounded like. He had a drive to see her smile, to hear her laugh.

"Ok Andrew, snap out of it," he said into the mirror as he rubbed the back of his neck with one hand. Turning to sit on his bed, he slipped on his shoes, as once again he was talking to himself. "The way you told Sharon you couldn't see her anymore and the way she stormed out of your office months ago pretty much set in stone that she didn't want to ever see you again. Nice job, idiot." He repeated the last line over and over to the empty room, just to make sure it was sinking in.

Standing up, he slipped on the sleek black tuxedo jacket. Andy pulled down on the lapels and rolled his neck back and forth. Taking one last look in the mirror, he let out a loud sigh, he could do this. He thought, it was only for a few hours and then he probably would never see her again. Andy was sure that would make her happy, to never see him again. The problem was, he wasn't sure that was what he really wanted. When he got his invite for the gala and saw that Captain Sharon Raydor was to be honored as a special guest, his first thought was he would get to see her again. That's all that mattered tonight. Knowing he couldn't stall anymore now that he was finally ready to leave, he slipped on his glasses and turned off the light as he exited his bedroom. He quickly grabbed his car keys and before he could change his mind and stay home, Andy hurried through his front door to his car to go pick up his date.  
________________________________________  
Sharon finally got a chance to sit and rest during their dinner. As things settled down, she was hoping to leave soon. She had shown up, done her part and now she was ready to go. Then through her restless mind, she heard her name announced and she was asked to come up on stage. This was exactly what Sharon was dreading as she eased up out of her seat. What she wanted to do was ignore it, but she could feel the stares on her once again. Gavin was about to stand and help her, but she waved him off and with the confidence she didn't feel, she walked up on the stage. She made sure she showed no signs of her limp or her pain. Sharon was pretty sure the look on her face was one of a small fake smile or it could be a look of disdain for her bosses for doing this to her.

When the clapping and standing ovation died down, she let Pope and Taylor do most of the talking, which they previously agreed on as part of the deal for her actually showing up. She reluctantly agreed to go, after some arguing back and forth, only if she didn't have to make a speech. Sharon Raydor was a very private person and she had no desire to talk about what happened to her, especially in front of her colleagues, who more than half probably still hated her. She slowly sat down in one of the chairs placed in the middle of the stage next to Taylor, who was standing at the podium. Sharon shook her head as she sat. She knew these seats were set up for her because when she came to all the previous events, they were never there before. Great, so now everyone knew she had a weakness and thought she couldn't stand long enough to make it through his speech. Well, they were right about that, but really there was no way anyone could remain standing for as long as Taylor could talk. Sharon tuned out whatever the Assistant Chief was rambling on about until she heard him say a familiar name.

That name snapped her back into attention and her head tilted in confusion. Did she hear him, right? What was he doing here? She felt her chest tighten. Sharon started to gasp for air as the applause roared louder.

~TBC~


	5. Chapter 5

~Her Sanctuary~  
Chapter 5   
Trigger warning of anxiety/panic attack  
________________________________________

What was he doing here, she asked herself? As her chest tightened, Sharon started to gasp deeper for air. Feeling her lungs closing up making it harder to breath, she could tell this attack was going to get bad if she didn't get control of it quickly. She knew she needed to try to slow down her breathing first before she made a scene. That would probably make this crowds' night, to see her loose it in front of everyone. It was something they were all probably waiting for.

With Rusty not here to help her calm down, Sharon's eyes automatically sought out her other sanctuary. She needed to find Gavin, just a look from him would help her control her panic. He was a friendly face that would give her some much-needed support right now, someone that wasn't there just to see her fail. He didn't need to know why, though she knew he understood her well enough and would see it in her eyes that she needed him. It worked when she found him, Gavin's eyes held understanding and calmness. As they stared at each other, she could see him taking in deep breaths and holding them then slowly releasing the air. It took a few times of watching him exhale for her get a handle on herself to follow along. Sharon slowly evened out her breathing.

Feeling a bit more in control, she looked back to Taylor who was standing at the front of the stage patting the newly introduced man on the back. Sharon was still trying to process why he was here. She assumed this was another one of the assistant chief's attention seeking stunts. It infuriated her how he was using her and what happened to her for this, as if it was some publicity stunt, not a plot to hurt her and kill her. Sharon's eyes landed on the back of the silver haired man. She was trying to figure out why her doctor would be here. No, she corrected herself, he was her ex-doctor. He made it perfectly clear to her that he didn't want her, as a patient or in any other way.

As the thunderous applause died down and through her fog she could catch a few words of what Chief Taylor said about Dr. Flynn... Incredible lifesaving surgeon… gunshot wound… loss of blood… broken bones… other injuries...heart stopped twice. Right now, the thought of her ex-doctor being here was in the back of her mind. She focused more on what was being said. As it sank in, she heard collective gasps, at Taylor's list and Sharon felt more anger than panic now, which in turn helped control the onset of her anxiety.

With her anger came frustration. What in the world was Taylor doing? Why was he telling everyone the entire trauma she sustained? That was all completely private personal information. The assistant chief also went on about how the great doctor spent hours and hours with no sleep fixing their Captain's broken body. Yes, Dr. Andrew Flynn might have fixed her physical injuries, she thought as she grew even madder, but what everyone didn't know was the amazing lifesaving surgeon was also the man who broke her heart and there was no fixing it. If looks could kill, both men would be smoldering piles of ash right now from the Darth Raydor glare she gave them.

Hearing the applause building once again, her hands balled up into fists in her lap as Sharon was about to get up and walk off the stage. Before she stood up, her eyes locked with Gavin's, he was shaking his head, telling her no and mouthed the word sit as he pointed at her. He knew she was about to bolt. She knew full well that it would cause a bigger scene than what the pompous ass she called her boss was doing. Letting herself give in to the resolve that she had to stay where she was, Sharon gave a slight nod of understanding to her friend then tried to relax a little in her seat. Glancing over at the empty seat next to her she realized, so that's whom the other chair was for? She figured it was for Taylor if he ever got done talking long enough to actually sit down that is.

The next thing she knew her doctor sat down beside her, and held out his hand. For a few seconds, she just stared at his offending outstretched hand. Did she really want to touch him? Could she hide the spark that always ran through her body when they touched? Everyone clapped once again when Sharon finally took his hand and shook it. There it was, that spark and it instantly shot through her palm, up her arm through her heart and right down to her core. All the while she kept a straight unimpressed face that was well practiced over her many years in IA. Dr. Andrew Flynn then leaned in and whispered into her hair, "hello, Sharon. You look like you are doing well and that dress matches your eyes perfectly. You really do look amazingly beautiful." He then settled slowly in the chair next to her.

Sharon tried to ignore the shiver the sound of his deep voice sent throughout her body. To get her mind off of the desire building up inside, she set her mind back on the anger she felt at the same man that made her body burn with a need that hadn't been fulfilled in a long time. Her dress matched her eyes? Why did he care? Why was he even noticing that at all? She didn't think he even knew the color of her eyes. She was sure he was only here for the connections. Perhaps he wanted to get funding for his hospital or maybe Taylor forced him to come like he did her, that way he could have them both on display. Sharon managed a quick glance up to his eyes before lingering on his tie. Andy's dark emerald green tie seemed to match her dress and her eyes darted to Gavin. Did he know about this? Would he set her up? Her friend did pick out the dress and chose the color. No, he wouldn't know anything about her and her doctor. She hadn't told anyone about her feelings for the man. For some unknown coincidence, their clothes were colored coordinated tonight.

Feeling the heat building in her, Sharon realized her hand was still in his. She pulled roughly out of his grip and settled both her hands into her lap. She rubbed them together trying to stop the tingling his touch caused, but it just caused more heat to course through her. Knowing he was still watching her, she offered him no reply except a hard glare, then she turned to find Gavin's eyes once again. She could see her friend taking in deep breaths animatedly and then letting it out slowly, he did this over and over then she realized the actions were for her. He knew better than her that she was going to pass out if she didn't regulate her oxygen levels or actually breathe at all. So, she let out the air she was unknowingly holding and took a few long slow deep cleansing breaths.

Finally, Assistant Chief Taylor was done going on and they were allowed to go back to their seats. Sharon moved faster than she thought she could. Julio stood up to help her make her way down the stairs. She took the offer of his hand because it was made in a gentlemanly gesture, not out of pity. The ever-polite well-mannered detective would do that for most anyone. Arriving at their table, she was quick to tell Gavin she wanted to go home now, as in immediately. In the background there was music playing, the tall lawyer stood up, took her hand and said, "One dance, then we go home. Sharon, you can't run from this. You don't want to give everyone the satisfaction that they scared off the Wicked Witch, do you?" The last part of her friend's little speech was added in a light laugh, which earned him another Raydor glare. When all he received was a "humm," he took that as an agreement and with their joined hands he led them towards the dance floor. Though they only made small steps, they kept with the tempo of the music. It was more of a slow, slow dance as Gavin held her protectively close to him.

When they moved with the rhythm, she knew Gavin was being careful with his movements with her, but made it look effortless. As they glided around the floor, Sharon remembered how much she loved to dance, but it had been a long time since she had the chance. It was long before what happened to her, long before her marriage to Jack crumbled. Now she wondered if she would ever dance again without being in pain or looking like she was stumbling around. As if her thoughts were taking form, Sharon tripped on her own feet. After faltering, she felt her heartbeat start to race, a panic set in and her grip tighten on her partner's hand. Gavin's arms kept a hold on to her waist to help steady her. He smiled softly at his best friend as he said, "you're doing fine, Sharon. No one saw anything now relax, breath one slow deep breath after another."

Listening to his calming advice, Sharon's anxiety leveled out, though not leaving completely but it was manageable. She had no inclination to want to stay at this gala, but in a way Gavin was right, she couldn't run away. Captain Sharon Raydor couldn't let them see any weakness or they would attack. Well, not physically of course, but her associates always did a great job messing with her mentally, though she never let them know that. Suddenly Gavin's movements stopped and Sharon was confused until she looked over her dance partner's shoulder. She saw her handsome doctor standing there giving her that lopsided smile that made her stomach drop. She automatically stiffened and started to panic again when Andy asked to cut in. Sharon rolled her eyes; this wouldn't be happening if they had just left when she wanted to. This was Gavin's fault. He just had to convince her one dance, which now had led to more, with him would prove to these gawking men and women she was fine. Once again, when Andy spoke there was something in this man's voice that sent shivers all the way down her spine. Sharon was mad at herself since she seemed to have no control over her feelings for Andrew Flynn.

So many thoughts ran through her already over-thinking mind. Why was he even still here and why did he want to dance with her? The great almighty lifesaving doctor was the one who sent her away; he was the one who said he didn't want to see her anymore. She was also sure she caught a glimpse of a tall blonde with him after they left the stage. Sharon tightened her grip on Gavin's hand and shoulder as she felt him back up. Shaking her head, she gave him a pleading look that asked him not to leave her. He only gave her a nod as he pried his hand out of her death grip. Damn him, she thought when he pulled away from her completely, saying, "she all yours, Doctor. Be careful, don't hurt her or you'll have to deal with her top of the line defense lawyer and that's me." As Gavin walked away her eyes followed him, he did the, "I'm watching you," gesture with his fingers at the man now holding her, to show he'd be keeping an eye on them. All she wanted to do was follow him and maybe kill him for leaving her. Sharon was pretty sure her team would have her back and help her hide the body. She almost laughed at the thought if it wasn't for the warm body holding her.

Gavin couldn't have known how close he was to the truth about the doctor hurting her and that it was too late for his protection. Sharon just wanted to run, but there was no way that could happen between her dress, her heels and her bad hip. It took everything in her tonight not to let the pain show, or not limp or favor her injured side when she moved. Sharon knew she would not allow herself to show any weakness to anyone let alone this man, but she was exhausted for it all. She steeled herself and turned to face him.

For her to actually look at Dr. Andrew Flynn in the eyes for the first time in two months was hard. Also, it didn't help that he looked so amazing. She had already noticed he smelled amazing too. Sharon felt her mind let go of anger towards Andy as he placed his hand on her hip and smoothly guided them around the dance floor. Oh, he could dance all right and when he drew her closer into his body, the heat between them caused her to relax as they moved as one. The tempo was slow so it was easy enough for her glide along with Andy. He was doing all the work anyways and she felt light as air in his arms. He then leaned down and whispered in her ear "you look beautiful, but…"

The "but" made Sharon come back to her senses, having no desire to hear Andy say what was wrong with her now. She pushed back as far as his arms would allow her and feeling as if she got burnt again by letting herself be taken in by her not so charming doctor again, she asked in her best Darth Raydor tone. "Why are you doing this? Haven't they got enough promotional pictures of you, Taylor and me to last a lifetime? Oh, and didn't you come with a date? Why aren't you dancing with her?" Sharon really couldn't take the intense way he looked at her. His deep brown eyes were almost saying he cared for her and missed her. Well, he got what he wanted, he pushed her away and she got the message loud and clear. It had been a hard couple months but she got herself through them and came out a stronger person. She was still mad at him and let it be known by the words she used.

Andy noticed the stiffness of her movements, but couldn't tell right now if it was from the injuries she was still recovering from or the fact that she was uncomfortable being here and in his arms. He ignored her questions and asked his own. "Sharon, but if you're still hurting or not improving why haven't you called your doctor?"

Did he know her so well as to tell that she was in pain and she hadn't called the specialist he recommended? The way he said it, she thought she had picked up a hint of concern in his voice, but she had to be wrong on that. Dr. Andrew Flynn did not want her and had made that perfectly clear the last day she was in his office. Sharon couldn't stop the bitter words from firing out of her mouth as she said, "well, I sure as hell wouldn't have called you, now would I!" With that she turned quickly, too quickly, and had to shake off Andy's hand as he tried to help steady her balance. Stopping for a second, she took in a breath then continued to head for the exit. She didn't care anymore how it looked, she was done with all this and she was leaving.

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Standing alone on the dance floor, Andy watched Sharon storm away from him in the fastest pace she could manage and he let her go. He knew he had made her mad and he wanted to give her space. Gavin patted him on the shoulder and gave him a frown as he passed him to follow her out of the room. Andy turned to head back to his table then to leave, but first he took one last look around the dance floor then the stage. It was one of the hardest things he's ever done, to resist pulling Sharon into his arms after being up there next to her. How stunningly beautiful she looked was bad enough, but then to touch her and smell her perfume, and feel there was something else in the air around her that was distinctively Sharon. Andy felt the instant electricity flow through him as they shook hands. Even with her eyes shooting daggers at him, they held a sparkle, he was sure it was anger, but he expected that. He messed this up and was paying a price for his mistake.

He watched her the whole night from his seat. Sharon was a gorgeous woman and the belle of the ball or the hero of the ball in this case, even if she didn't want to be. His eyes followed her as she mingled a little, but mostly she sat with her date or was surrounded by her team. They all seemed very protective of her, which he liked, it comforted him to know she had people looking after her. Andy saw from the moment she arrived, Sharon didn't want to be there anymore than he did. From the time he spent with her, he got to know her very well. He knew the beautiful and strong Sharon Raydor was not the limelight kind of woman. Also, that whatever she put her mind to would get done, as quickly and efficiently as possible without drawing unwanted attention to herself. That's exactly how she took on her recovery and physical therapy.

Knowing her and caring for her began to go beyond a doctor, patient capacity and that was the main reason he had to stop being her doctor. Though it was hard to say what he said when all he wanted to say was that he loved her, but he just couldn't find the words. Strangely enough he had written it in a letter to her and the words just flowed out. It was easier to write them down then to speak them out loud.

As Andy headed over to his table, he knew he'd have to explain this to his date. She stood up when he got closer and smiled as she said, "don't worry about anything. Gavin talked to me earlier and I get it all now, on why you've been down and gloomy for these last few months. You should be smiling now that you just danced with the beautiful woman you happen to be head over heels for."

Andy hugged his friend and said gratefully, "thank you understanding all this and for doing this for me. We've known each other for so long, it felt natural to ask you and it was nice of your boyfriend to let me borrow you for one night."

With a laugh the blonde replied, "Oh, he doesn't let me do anything, I do what I want, when I want and he likes me that way. I just told him I was helping a friend out. I have a ride home." When his looked questioned her she added, "Don't worry he's a longtime friend that I've worked with for years. Now why don't you go and follow your heart?" She said as she pushed Andy towards the exit.

Reluctantly, Andy headed out into the night air and made his way to his car. Starting it, he sat for a minute before driving it through the parking lot. He sat at the stop sign contemplating on which way to go, left or right?

~TBC~


	6. Chapter 6

~Her Sanctuary~  
Chapter 6  
Disclaimer: I own nothin' of Major Crimes, nothin'!  
It is an A/U fic.  
Trigger warning of anxiety/panic attack  
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Later that night, Sharon finished changing and put on a comfortable t-shirt and shorts. As she was hanging up the fairy-tale of a dress, she thought about her grand exit, and how it didn't go like she wanted it to. She certainly couldn't walk home so she had to wait for a taxi to pull up and by then Gavin had caught up to her side. "That was the incredible handsome doctor that saved your life? Why, are you rushing away? My, my, the way you two were moving together, was like sex on the dance floor." Gavin fanned himself with his hand. "Oh, and he was definitely mesmerized by you."

Sharon held up her hand to stop his words; they just hurt too much. After the lump in her throat settled, she could finally manage to get out, "don't Gavin. Just, please don't," and she shut her eyes. It was a struggle to keep the tears from flowing freely down her cheeks. All she wanted was to get home before her overcoming sadness turned to panic. She knew she shouldn't have come, that this night would only be a disaster. It actually turned out worse than even she ever imagined and she imaged it being pretty bad.

Gavin did as she asked and was quiet as he stood next to her. Sharon knew he was completely confused. For he couldn't know that she had fallen in love with her incredibly handsome doctor, as he had called him. The same doctor that turned her down for dinner then in fact asked her to find a new doctor. She didn't want to open her eyes to let in the world around her and because it would cause the tears building up in her eyes to tumble over and leave a trail down her cheek. Sharon decided to look up at the stars. Having her head back would help keep her tears at bay and she could always lose herself in the dark sky, though it was hard to see any with all the bright lights of the big city, it helped her to know they were there. It did help to calm her some.

To her it seemed like an eternity waiting for a cab to arrive. When she heard a vehicle pull in front of her, Sharon slowly looked down from staring at the stars. She could make out through her glassy water-filled eyes, Andy holding the passenger side door of his car open. He was once again holding his hand out to her and giving her a lopsided grin, the one that made her stomach flip flop. As the shock wore off she glared at him. She closed her eyes when he started to speak, trying to block him out. "Sharon, let me drive you home."  


Everything in her heart wanted to place her hand in his and get into his car, but her head was telling her no, to walk away. That the man had already broke your heart once don't let him do it again. Haven't you learned that lesson from Jack? Even with her eyes still closed she started to back up, away from the one person she wanted nothing more than to move forward to. What stopped her retreat and her thoughts from causing her head to explode from all the inner turmoil, was a warm hand on her back. It was of course Gavin. He slid his hand around her to settle on her waist in a protective manner. Leaning into her, he whispered in her ear, "Sharon, stop thinking and just go with your heart. Even I can see he cares for you and I just met him."

Opening her eyes but not focusing on anything, Sharon said through gritted teeth, "pity isn't the same as caring."

"Whatever happened between the two of you I don't know, but you have to admit there's still something there." She turned her head slightly to look Gavin in the eye. He smiled softly as he tightened his hold on her and added, "Sharon, I know you and I'm sure you are way over-thinking the situation. Everyone makes mistakes and you of all people know that. You needed to give the guy and more importantly yourself another chance." His warm hand slid around to her back again and gave her a little push forward to Andy's car. "Go," her friend said sterner when she dug her heels in and refused to move.

Sharon looked from Gavin to Andy, who was still holding his hand out to her, then back to her so called friend, with confusion and a little hope in her eyes. In a quiet, shaky voice she uttered, "but I came with you. You were my date, I should leave with you." Could she somehow let herself take a step in the direction her heart wanted to go? She was trying everything she could to not go with the man she really wanted to be with.

Gavin begged off by saying, "oh I ran into an old lawyer friend, we are going for drinks to catch up." Sharon looked to where he was waving to see the beautiful blonde that her doctor had come to the gala with. "It's Andrea Hobbs. It's such a small world that we all know each other. Years ago, she was handling malpractice lawsuits for the hospital Dr. Flynn works for."

Sharon was feeling even worse now. In her fury of seeing Andy with another woman earlier, which she had no right to be jealous of in the first place, she didn't even realize that it was a good friend of theirs and someone she had known for years. Also, there was the fact that Andrea was happily married and was now walking over to them, smiling. "Don't worry, Sharon I'll take good care of Gavin." She said as she wrapped her arm around his, "and he'll make sure I get home safely. So, go now"

Giving them both a Darth glare, Sharon was starting to realize there was a setup here. Things were starting to click together for her just as when she was solving a crime. The evidence was starting to add up against these two smiling so called friends in front of her. From being pushed into going to this fraud of a gala by Gavin, to Andrea being Andy's date, to her dress being color coordinated perfectly to Dr. Flynn's tie. She now knew she had been played. Darkening her glare, she warned them, "Don't forget that I am a detective with the best of the best and I'll figure out which of the two of you concocted this little plan." Her eyes were dead set on Gavin's, "some friends you two are." Sharon should have known Gavin was up to something and with him making an excuse about her not needing to leave with him was just another part of his elaborate scheme.

Now it was an internal battle for her. The hopeless romantic part of her all but commanded to get into the handsome doctor's car; whereas the hopeful over-thinker in her was keeping her feet firmly planted in place. She let out a slow quiet breath as she slowly picked up her heavy feet to take a step towards the still waiting held out hand. As she put her chilly hand in the warm, solid palm of his, Sharon could feel the electricity shock through her hand up her arm travel though her body and made her toes curl. As her pulse rate sped up she couldn't believe she was doing this. Was she really ready? It was just a ride home, that's what she told herself repeatedly.

Her goal was now to not panic or not to hyperventilate as she sat in the front seat of Dr. Andrew Flynn's car as she was letting him drive her home. Yes, that's all this was, just a ride home, ran through her head again. Sharon stared down at her still tingling hand that was resting now in her lap and playing with the material of her dress, this was harder than she thought it would be. The intoxicating smell of Andy was even more potent in this confined space. She hadn't been this close to him, except for dancing earlier tonight, in months, two heartbreaking months. What confused her was, why he doing this? She gave him an out, she walked away from him giving him a chance for a clean break, but no, here he was insisting on driving her home.

It was all really frustrating. Sharon really wasn't sure where this could go from here. Where could it? Andy had already made it clear months ago he wanted nothing to do with her. She had tried and he had said no, albeit in a polite way. The silence surrounding them was broken with her name being spoken, "Sharon." The sound of his voice sent chills through her, she always did like the way he said her name. It caused her over-thinking and logic conflict to stop. More like she froze when she heard her name.

When Andy was sure he had her attention, he said, "While we were dancing, well before you got mad at me and stormed off that is. What I had wanted to tell you was, you look beautiful but... that it isn't the dress that makes you beautiful, it's you that makes the dress beautiful." It took her a few moments to process the words. To her Andy sounded completely sincere. It felt like a true compliment not just someone trying to find something nice to say to ease the awkwardness.

Sharon jumped a little when he placed his right hand on hers stopping her fidgeting motions. When she looked up from his large hand on hers their eyes met for a second before his turned to back to the road. In that quick glance, Sharon took a sharp breath at the clarity she saw in his eyes. In the deep brown eyes, there was raw emotion. Andy hand squeezed tighter around hers in an almost inaudible whisper that she barely managed to just pick up on, he confessed, "it felt nice to hold you in my arms." Now Sharon's heart was racing and it wasn't induced by the onset of a panic attack this time. Though it could be but it was a completely different kind of panic.

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Andy finally made it home after going to a late-night AA meeting. He felt the need to just sit and listen to others talk about their problems and offer advice if he had any. While he had no urge to drink, he was feeling frustrated with himself and it helped him to help others if he could. Changing into a t-shirt and boxers, he got ready for bed. Pulling the covers up and letting out a loud sigh, it was a good feeling to think he could sleep better than he had in months, two self-inflicted terrible months that they were. He had been an idiot and paid the price. The gala had gone as well as he expected it to under the circumstances. He knew Sharon wouldn't be happy to see him there. Why would she after the way he had treated her? Andy could see that she would have rather walked home than get into a confined space with him, if not for her friends help. He would have to be sure to thank Andrea and her friend Gavin for helping nudge Sharon into getting into his car. Getting more comfortable, Andy's mind drifted back to the drive to Sharon's condo.

For Andy, it was hard for him to sit so close to Sharon and not reach out and touch her. Well, he had in fact, touched her. He couldn't resist and was glad that she didn't pull away from him. Seeing her nervously playing with her dress, probably to try and calm herself and to keep busy, he placed his hand on hers to try and still her hands and her mind. Seeing her tonight was almost too much. So many times, as he watched her from afar at his table, he wanted to get up and take her into his arms. Andy knew that wouldn't go over too well if he did. Sharon Raydor was more than he deserved. He had done all he could do for her, but was having a hard time letting her go. Taking a quick glance at her in his passenger seat, he was surprised she actually got into his car. She was more beautiful than he remembered, if that was at all possible. Because when he dreamed of her every night, she was stunningly breathtaking. Pulling into her parking area, Andy knew already that Sharon wouldn't want him to walk her up, but he just wanted a few more minutes with her, before he had to say goodnight and probably goodbye. Who knew if or when he would see Sharon Raydor again? Andy grew frustrated with her when she refused his help exiting his car. She was a stubborn woman.

Even though they didn't talk, he was happy that she let him escort her all the way to her condo. On the long and quiet walk to her door, Andy could see that she was favoring her injuries. Maybe because he was her doctor, he could pick up on the subtle hints. He noticed the slight limp, though Sharon hid it well, then there was the casual rub of the shoulder or her right arm tucked around her middle to help with the pain her ribs were probably still giving her.

________________________________________

Again, as Sharon was getting into bed, her eyes caught sight of her green silk dress hanging on the back of her closet door. Strangely enough she didn't have the heart to put it away yet. As she passed the closet towards the bathroom, she ran her hands down over the silk of the dress, reminiscing on how she hadn't wanted to wear it but how Gavin had talked her into it. Letting out a sigh as the green material slipped through her fingers, she headed to her bathroom to wash her face and get ready to go to sleep if she could.

She didn't like the nights, but she was hoping for the first time in a long time that they would be getting better. Part of it was that she didn't like how the strong prescribed pain meds made her feel. They relieved some of the pain, but she would feel trapped within her dreams unable to wake. It was a frightening feeling to be held under from the strong medication. It would cause the panic to set in once again, so much so that Sharon refused to take them anymore. She could handle taking an over-the-counter painkiller to ease the top layer of agony she inflicted on her body by continuing to overwork herself.

Being alone in her bedroom, she didn't need to hide the pain she was in. Unconsciously her right hand was rubbing her left shoulder. Sharon wasn't used to moving it so much, even on desk duty she knew she was pushing her limits, and now the gunshot wound ached more than usual. Slowly limping her way to bed, her hip hurt even worse than her shoulder. It was painful, but she was getting better. That's what she kept telling everyone and herself. It hurt more to try and hide the fact that it hurt still than to actual just walk. Sharon let out another long sigh as she crawled into bed and pulled the covers up to her chin. The warmth comforted her, she was always cold now and the cold made her body ache and brought back memories of a place she didn't want to ever think about again.

Pulling the covers in tighter, this was the one thing she did look forward to at night. It was a nice feeling to be back in her sanctuary, feeling safe and secure as much as she could be. It had been another long day, but worth it in the end. It was a nice feeling that she was sure she would actually get some sleep tonight, instead of having her regular horrible nightmares. Sharon smiled as she shifted deeper into her pillow; she wanted to have a few hope-filled sweet dreams to keep her night terrors at bay. The current thoughts of have less anxiety-laced dreams had started after what should have been a catastrophe of an evening. Her mind drifted back to that dreaded car ride home.

The compliment that Andy said to her, that it was her that made the dress beautiful caused her heart to skip a beat, but Sharon stayed silent. She didn't really know how to respond to the comment anyway. It was a compliment, but she didn't feel beautiful and she couldn't understand the ulterior motives to why he needed to tell it to her. There was no need for Andy to be overly nice to her, he had flat out turned her down and that was that. She had moved on or at least was trying to move on. Sharon was relieved when she realized they were getting near her condo.

Gavin must have given him her address because she didn't, since she hadn't spoken the entire ride there. On the way home Sharon received a text from Gavin, 'if he asks to see you again, which he will, just say yes.'

She replied with a quick and simple, 'no' but then added to stress her point though she knew he wouldn't listen to her, Gavin never did, 'knock it off and I mean right now!'

She groaned as she got another text, he did ignore her last text completely. 'Girl, why didn't you tell me your doctor was so handsome?' Looking at her phone, Sharon thought back to Gavin being at the hospital all the time, but her doctor's and his path had never crossed. So, no, her friend wouldn't have known who he was. Also, she had never mentioned Andy to him because she knew Gavin well enough to know he would make a scene in front of her doctor and completely embarrass her. So, she elected to keep quiet on the subject.

Her phone vibrated once again, Sharon shook her head as she read the text from her persistent friend. 'Um, no how about you knock it off and I mean right now. You need to stop overthinking, let go and live. You have the right to be happy. Sharon, remember heart over head.' That text just made her think even more, as she was processing everything. Andy's voice broke through. "We are here, I'll walk you up." Sharon was surprised when Andy pulled into a guest parking spot. It would have been fine with her if he had just dropped her off at the lobby doors. She sent one last text then slipped her phone into her purse before opening her door and trying to maneuver herself out of his car, which wasn't easy after the long night she had and sitting down for too long made her stiff.

When she refused Andy's hand as he offered to help her, she was sure she heard a low growl of "Sharon," from him. She used the car door instead to help herself stand up. Even after continuous insisting she was fine to get to her condo on her own, Andy explained that it's the gentlemen thing to do, to walk the woman to her door. Once again, she felt disappointed that he was only doing this because it was in his character to do so, not because he wanted to spend more time with her. Why would he? When she had only been rude to him from the second she saw him tonight.

They moved through the lobby in complete silence. They waited for the elevator in complete silence. The ride up to her floor and exiting the elevator was done in complete silence. The corridor to her door had never felt so long, she couldn't wait to finally get inside, to take these painful shoes off and close the door on the disaster of a night. As they walked in excruciating silence, she used the time to get her keys out of her small clutch purse. Sharon was trying to fit the key into the lock, but it was hard with her shaky hands.

Suddenly she felt Andy hand on hers as he said from behind her, "let me help you. You don't have to hide the pain or anything else from me, Sharon." His deep voice whispered into her hair, sending a shiver down her spine. She was lost for words as she stood there, frozen. She wasn't sure how to respond to what he said or how it made her feel. She knew one thing though, that she felt a sense of relief as the door swung open and Andy motioned with his hand for her to enter before him.

Sharon took a few steps into her doorway and relaxed a bit when he didn't follow her in. She was just too exhausted and frankly to unsure on how to deal with Andy being this nice to her. She pivoted slowly on her good hip to completely turn and tell him goodbye. He was holding out his hand to her once again and as she found herself placing hers in his, he offered her a "goodnight." Then brought her hand up and kissed the back of it. As she found herself looking in his heart stopping brown eyes, Andy placed his free hand on her cheek and somehow, she found herself agreeing to meet him for lunch tomorrow, but would she have the nerve to go?

________________________________________

This woman who struggled to walk beside him amazed him more and more. Andy was sure a lesser person couldn't handle all that she went through and come out stronger for it. He was sure a lot of it was a brave front she put on just to survive each day. From the sadness behind her eyes, he knew this strong, independent and determined woman was still hiding a lot that had happened to her. He really would like to be there to help her, he just needed to find a way to show her that. As Sharon dug out her keys, he could see her hands trembling and the keys rattled as she tried to unlock her door. Taking a chance, Andy reached around her to steady her hand, but being this close to her was hard. Maybe it was time he took a chance to see if she would let him explain why he did what he did those many months ago.

Taking in a deep breath of her scent as he spoke softly as to not startle her, Andy wasn't sure if she was willing letting him help or if she just couldn't move. He was grateful either way to be that close to her again and that he got to help her with the door. Now he was headed home and feeling better than he had been since the beautiful police captain had opened those incredible soul stealing green eyes after almost losing her in his operating room. His only hope right now was that Sharon Raydor wouldn't back out and actually meet him for lunch.

~TBC~


	7. Chapter 7

~Her Sanctuary~  
Chapter 7  
This story was inspired from a picture Tony posted of him in a doctor's outfit.  
It is an A/U fic.  
Disclaimer: I own nothin' of Major Crimes, nothin'!  
Trigger warning: anxiety/panic attack  
________________________________________  
Sharon was reaching for her cell phone when at the same time she just happened to get a text from the very person she was thinking about. Admittedly, she had been thinking about him a lot so it wasn't that much of a coincidence. She frowned when she read the message, 'going into emergency surgery can't make lunch'. Of course, the first thought that hit her was he was bailing on her already and they haven't even had one date. The fairy-tale of that night must have worn off and he had come to his senses. Sharon knew she shouldn't feel too badly about not meeting Andy because she was going to text him that they had just picked up a triple murder and she wouldn't make it either. She answered the message with, 'I understand. We just picked up a murder case. Maybe, some other time'. As she read her last line again, she felt her shoulders drop and the good mood she had been in was gone. It was another easy way out for him and she was giving it to him. She had been feeling anxious, a good kind of anxious an excited feeling, about seeing Andy, not in doctor patient roles, but out on a real date.

After barely sending her reply, the phone binged quickly, it was another text from Andy, 'no I am not backing out, so stop thinking that. Dinner?' That made her roll her eyes. How did he know her so well when they haven't known each other that long at all? Sharon glanced around the murder room to see her team staring at her standing there smiling. She was sure none of them had seen her like this in a long time. She hadn't felt like smiling in months. That didn't include the fake smile she put on for everyone so they would all stop asking if she was alright. Sharon had been truly smiling and humming all day waiting for their lunch date. Wanting privacy, she was careful to move her hip slowly as she turned to walk into her office with her phone in hand, smiling again as she closed her door. She leaned on the corner of her desk while she typed in her response, 'Me, think that? I'm sure we won't be done by dinnertime or for a few days for that matter'. 

Andy's text back was fast. Heading in. 'Dinner at 8? You have to eat, be there or I will bring it to you'. 

Sharon was slower at answering, contemplating what she wanted to say. She looked forward to seeing Andy but didn't want him overdoing himself just to spend time with her. She tried to give him another out by saying, 'you'll be exhausted after a long surgery. You don't have to. We can make it for another time'. 

Either he was in hurry, which he was or he knew what she would say because it didn't take but seconds to get another text. Sharon noticed that he basically ignored what she had typed. 'Ok, so it's a deal. I'll bring you and the team dinner. I'd like to meet them after receiving the death glare for them all at the gala'.

Knowing he wouldn't give up, she agreed reluctantly. Hopefully she could get the team to be nice and not scare him away. She hadn't told them anything that had happened between her and Andy, but after so many years of working together they were all very protective of each other. Sharon texted back one word, 'fine'.

'Great, got to run now, see you around 8'. 

Andy showed up right when he said he would. It was obvious to Sharon he had showered and changed, since she noticed how his hair was still slightly damp. He looked good in his dark jeans she had to admit. She had seen him in many types of attire, from formal wear to office clothes but never in jeans, a Dodger blue t-shirt and leather jacket. Sharon wasn't sure which look she liked the best on him, but the jeans were on top of the list. From where she sat, she had a great view and was admiring it.

He saw Sharon sitting behind a desk in what must be her office. They watched each other as he made his way into the murder room. Andy stopped and set the bags of food down on an empty desk by her door. It just felt like the right place for him to be. Taking out the boxes of Chinese food and spreading them out, he looked up and around the main room to find everyone staring at him. This wasn't going to be easy, Andy thought. From the short time, he spent with Sharon's team at the hospital, it was obvious to him they were very protective of their captain. Trying to break the ice he announced, "dig in, there's more than enough for everyone." That got them all to jump up and help themselves and thank him, except for one, a silver haired older gentlemen Andy had learned months ago was Provenza, Sharon's second-in-command. He stayed at his desk looking grumpy. Andy knew that guy would be trouble for him.

Andy gave up and turned back to Sharon's office and smiled as their eyes met. He watched her as she stood up, straightened her jacket, and met him in her doorway. He could instantly tell she was favoring her left side and was intent on not limping. It was the doctor in him that spotted it; she hid it so well he was sure nobody else noticed. He wasn't here as her doctor and didn't want to fight with her, so he would let it go for now, but he hoped that she would be going home to rest soon. Andy noticed her take in his appearance, so he explained, "I took a quick shower at work and I have a change at clothes at the hospital for when I get called in."

Sharon wondered if her staring was so blatant that he felt the need to offer up an explanation, not that she would have asked something like that. Though she did laugh slightly and say, "I do like that color. Do you like the LA Dodgers?"

He took in her clothes as she passed by him and noticed the royal blue dress under her black blazer. "Oh, just a little bit. I try not to miss too many home games. I have sky box tickets that a group of us doctors share." As he was talking he saw her pause her steps and looked back at him, she shook her head at the mention of the tickets. Also, he didn't miss the roll of her eyes either. He didn't know what that was all about, but he was more concerned about her pale coloring and said, "You need to come and eat before it's gone. I wasn't sure on what to get so I ordered an assortment."

They all sat around and talked, but it took awhile, for Provenza to warm up to this guy that seemed interested in his boss. Sharon never talked to him about her doctor, but from his visit to her in the hospital, he could see there was something between them. He had dealt with her when she came back to work more down than he had ever seen her. He knew Raydor had been through a lot, though they would never know the extent of it all for she wouldn't tell them everything that gone on to her in the days they spent days searching for their captain. Then after watching what happened between her and her doctor at the gala when Taylor threw them together to show her off, he started putting the clues in together and realized it wasn't only the kidnapping that had her mind in another place.

A laugh across the room got Provenza out of his thoughts. It had been months on months since they heard their captain laugh. Watching the entire team be taken in by the good doctor, Louie finally gave in, put down his crossword puzzle, and got some of the food that was left. Provenza had no problem telling stories about the old days on the beat and the partners he had been through. They all laughed at hearing once again about George and the shock he gave him.

When the laughter died down, Sharon looked at her watch and was surprised it was after 9:30 and told them all, "well, I think we need to get back to work."

Louie didn't know what it was about Andy, but it felt like he had known him for years. He patted him on the back and said, "come back anytime, Flynn."

"Will you walk me out?" Andy asked Sharon. She stepped back and took a moment to consider the idea. She should get back to work but she liked the thought of a few more minutes with him. Finally nodding, she led the way, staying a good foot away from him. Sharon could have sworn she heard Provenza mutter idiot as they made their way out of the murder room.

As Sharon was walking Andy down the hallway, he said in a laughing voice, "That's a great bunch of friends you have there." He saw her nod her head once again. He wondered if she would talk to him or not. He decided to try a different approach and asked, "So, does that count as our first date?" Receiving more silence, they stopped by the elevators. He wanted to reach out and take her hand, but Andy was worried that it would be too forward, too soon.

Sharon saw his motion and subconsciously folded her hands across her chest. She wasn't sure if she was stopping him from touching her or if it was to halt her want to reach for his hand. "I guess, if you think it does? Though sitting around our murder room isn't much of a ..."

"No, it was great. Just spending time with you, Sharon, anywhere really is great." Seeing that she took a defensive stance, Andy slipped his hands in his pockets. It was to assure Sharon that he would keep his hands to himself and to be sure he didn't attempt to touch her hand when she wasn't ready yet. It was hard for him to not want to touch her after knowing exactly how it felt holding her on the dance floor in what little time they had together swaying to the music.

"Thank you for bringing me… I mean, us lunch, Andy. You didn't have to, but I do really appreciate it." Sharon said as a genuine smile lit up her face.

Andy knew he would do anything in the world just to make this woman smile again. It lit up a room and warmed him inside and out. He knew he was getting distracted and was probably scaring her off by the strange way he was acting. So, he looked at his feet as he leaned back on his heels. He then got up the nerve to ask, "Would be the time one would ask for a second date?" He regretted asking the moment the smile dropped from her face.

She knew she wasn't hiding her shock very well. Did he really want to do this again? With her? Their first date hadn't gone badly, but it wasn't how first dates or any date should go. If Andy came to his senses, he'd run from her as fast as he could. Sharon felt her heart rate picking up and she was starting to sweat. She felt the anxiety setting in. She needed to make an escape when she realized they were still just standing there waiting on an elevator that was never called for. At this time of night there wasn't many people coming and going, so she quickly pushed the down button for the elevator as she was starting to panic more at Andy's question.

In her attempt not to make a fool of herself in front of the man she had already lost her heart to, she didn't realize Andy had stepped closer to her until she felt him wrap his arms around her and held her tight. At first, she resisted and tried to pull back, but her arms were still crossed and now trapped against Andy's chest, his firm solid chest. She stiffened as he whispered next to her ear, "Sharon, take a deep breath." When she didn't move at all, Andy repeated louder, "Go on, take a deep breath." From their closeness, he could physically feel her listening to him. Grateful she was responding, he continued, "Now let it out slowly. Again, one more time." He felt her relax in his arms. After a few moments, when he felt Sharon's breathing become calmer, he pulled back to look at her. He slid his hands down her arms and let go unwillingly. With space between them, Andy said a little disappointed, "It's alright. It was just a question, you can easily say no to. I will understand. I know this could be all too soon." He kept a close eye on her to see if the panic was setting back in. He knew he shouldn't have held her, it was way too much. He had probably ruined any chance of seeing her again. That Provenza was right he was an idiot. He didn't want to lose her again, so he took a chance and said, "I'll wait, 'case you need me."

After the panic wore off by her listening to him, she took a few more cleansing, pulse slowing breaths. Standing there a bit cold, Sharon realized she liked the way she fit up against him and without a word, she stepped back into his arms. She laid her head on Andy's chest, but this time Sharon wrapped her arms around him. He was warm, solid. The feeling of his chest rising and falling with each breath calmed her own breathing. She smiled again as she felt his arms wrap around her and pulled her closer against him. Being here, held by him reminded her of the one place she felt safe, her sanctuary. In both places, she didn't have to pretend. She just had to accept that she could be safe with Andy and not judged by him. Though as they stood there holding each other, with her ear against him, to her it seemed that his heart rate was starting to run a bit too fast. Quietly but concerned Sharon asked, "Are you alright, Andy?"

He knew exactly why she was worried and answered her truthfully, "Um, no I'm not alright and yes my blood pressure is racing." When Andy felt her try to back out of his arms, he tightened them just a little and added softly, "How could it not be? I'm holding a beautiful woman in my arms." After hearing a content hum from Sharon, Andy settled his head down on her shoulder and smiled as her hair brushed against his face. It felt as smooth and silky as it looked.

She knew she needed to get back to her team; they still had a case to solve, though she should send them all home and come back in the morning. They were all tired and she herself had been there longer than her body was telling her she was capable of. She stepped back far enough to look him in the eye. Sharon needed him to understand what he had just done meant to her. "Thank you for doing this for me and not walking away like I was some kind of..."

Andy cut her off again, "don't ever think that. I am here for you and on your terms. You are the boss."

"Well, in that case, as your boss, I am saying yes to a second date. If the offer is still on the table, that is?" Sharon asked with a hopefully smile. She was fully aware that her smiles in this day were adding up more and more because of Andy.

With a lopsided grin he replied, "Oh it's still there. So is a third and fourth."

"Why don't we stick to a second and see how it goes? Maybe we will actually make it out of the PAB building." She said with a quick laugh and put the back of her hand up to her mouth.

Andy thought he would do anything to make Sharon smile, but his new goal after hearing the sounds of her laughter earlier and just now was to make her laugh. "I'll let you go back to work if you promise me you are heading home soon. You are pushing yourself too hard, Sharon. As your doctor," Andy paused at her raised eyebrow and corrected himself, "Well as a doctor that you're dating, I insist you take it slow, I don't want to see you back in the hospital, unless it's because you miss me and want to see me. Hopefully the hospital cafeteria won't be where our second date takes place."

Sharon knew Andy was right about going home. They all needed to go home, get some sleep and start fresh in the morning. "You have a deal, but I was already thinking of sending them home."

Andy laughed at her defiance of saying he was right and told her seriously, "You have a great group of elite detectives in there and you will all have this case closed very soon, but make sure you let them help. You don't have to do it all." Even with her glare, Andy dared to ask, "So, I can call you?"

Hearing the weariness in Andy's voice, she didn't really want to scare him off as she did before, so she smiled and said, "Yes, call me when you get a chance and we can try this dating thing again."

The ding of the elevator brought them both back to where they were and as the doors opened, Andy took her hand kissed the back of it. He reluctantly let go and stepped backwards into the elevator. "I'll be sure to call you the first chance I get."

Sharon watched as the doors closed and he was gone. Letting out a happy sigh, she turned and headed back the murder room to send everyone home. She wasn't more than four steps away when her phone rang. She was sure it was Rusty calling to demand her to come home. Answering it quickly, she said, "I'll be home soon."

"Well, that's good to know you took my advice seriously." Sharon stopped when she heard Andy's voice. "But I'm calling because you said to call when I got the chance and I miss you already."

"You just left here less than a minute ago, Andy." Sharon smiled at the thought he could miss her as much as she missed him.

Andy was joking with her but he did miss her. "It was too long. So, Sharon Raydor will you go out on a second date with me?"

"When?" She was looking forward to seeing him and she hoped it wouldn't be too long of a wait.

"Tomorrow? Yes, tomorrow works for me." At the silence Andy continued, "You have to eat breakfast, right?"

~TBC~


	8. Chapter 8

~Her Sanctuary~  
Chapter 8  
This is an A/U fic. It's inspired from a picture Tony posted of himself in a doctor's outfit.  
Disclaimer: I own nothin' of Major Crimes, nothin'!   
Trigger warning: anxiety/panic attack  
________________________________________  
After so many bad experiences these past months and dealing with Jack for most of her life, Sharon wasn't sure she was capable of letting any happiness in. The days she was taken and held captive by hateful criminals had been hard physically and mentally, but the pain she felt in the months after getting rejected by her doctor had been emotionally much worse than the agonizing recovery from her injuries. Sharon hadn't really thought there was anything to help mend her broken heart; mending her broken body had been a hard-enough struggle.

The hardest part was that she didn't expect to relive everything over and over again in nightmares and in memories. Sharon cringed at the thought of her memories, they turned out to be far worse than the pain she went through. When her mind took her back to that place, the anxiety and panic attacks would trap her in her mind. She would freeze with fear, unable to move. Unable to comprehend that it was over, that she was home and safe, she went through so many emotions, but hate was what really got her through.

Hate was a strong word for Sharon. Sure, she disliked things and people, but even with Jack, she never hated anyone or anything until that night. Hate was what motivated her. She hated what happened to her. She hated the fact that by not following her trusted rules, she felt like she let this happen. She hated the men that did this to her. She hated that it felt like her life was ruined. She hated having nightmares and clear horrible memories. She hated that Rusty felt so guilty over all of this. She hated that her team thought they needed to baby her. Yes, hate was a very strong emotion, but it was what got Sharon through the worst times of her recovery. The hate running through-out her pushed her harder than she or anyone thought possible, but it was exhausting. She was paying the toll all the hatred was causing on her state of mind.

Most of the time Sharon would like to forget about everything that happened, but of course she couldn't. It had become her and this is what she was now. With so many awful things she had to accept, loss of sleep, anxiety and fear was a way of life for her, but these last few weeks had been helping her put the past to rest, leave her hate behind and start living in the present. Sharon Raydor was finding out again that there were many other emotions that can help you get motivated in life, beside just hate.

All this was because of one person and spending time with him seemed to keep her anxiety and nightmares away. They weren't completely gone. She still woke up terrified, feeling she was trapped in that disgusting cabin again, but her time spent with Andy was helping her replace most of her bad memories with good ones. Sharon smiled at the thought. When they were out together, it was always fun, comfortable and relaxing, he helped her laugh and that in turn helped her slowly recover mentally.

With everything that had happened, Sharon was more reserved than she used to be. That was saying a lot because after her almost non-existent marriage to Jack, she built a wall and had a hard time letting anyone in. It was always easier to keep others at bay, not letting anyone too close so she couldn't get hurt again. After her kidnapping, her shield was reinforced to be higher and stronger, except with Andy. He had a way of getting to her heart somehow through all her barriers. They were just so at ease together. Since there was no pressure for something more, she didn't realize until it was too late how much she felt for him. Right now, they were taking things slowly. They were friends that seemed to be getting closer and closer. They were truly each other's best friend.

Over the months, physically she was almost healed except for the aches and pains. Then there was the limp that came on when she had overworked herself or had been on her feet too long. No one knew the whole story of what really happened to her and if she had her way no one would ever know. Sharon knew she still had a long road ahead of her to heal the mental injury she was suffering from. It did help that Andy used to be her doctor. She laughed at the thought, but it was true. This way she didn't have to explain the scars or why her hip would ache later in the day or why she was always rubbing her shoulder after doing too much. Usually he was the one telling her what was wrong. He would be able to tell by just the look on her face. He already knew everything, well almost everything she had gone through.

Sharon couldn't imagine trying to explain all of this to a man she was dating, not that she had planned on dating ever again, but with Andy it was different. She couldn't see telling a stranger why she had problems being around people or why she couldn't let him touch her. Why a sound, a smell, a voice or even the way a certain word could send her suddenly into crippling panic attacks. There was no way someone would understand why some days she couldn't force herself to leave her condo, or her room, let alone her bed.

Those were just some of the hidden injuries she suffered from. If she ever got to the point of being intimate with someone, though Sharon was sure she wasn't ready for that now or if she ever would be, but physically her body wasn't the same. She had many more scars to add to the few she received in her career as a police officer. If a relationship would progress further and it led anyone to spend the night, there would be no explaining if she woke up screaming from a horrible nightmare brought on from her experience.

After finally making it home that night, Sharon took some time to talk with Rusty. It was nice to have time with her son; it did help them both to know that they would be fine. Feeling tired, she slowly went through her nightly routine to get ready for bed, but it was a bit different this time because she had a smile on her face. Whereas she always looked forward to getting into her bed and hiding from the world, tonight she was looking forward to getting into bed and dreaming again. As Sharon snuggled deeper into her sanctuary, she thought back to that morning. After Andy made sure she met him for breakfast, when he joked about her one pancake, she waved her fork at him from across the table and sternly said, "that's not funny." They spent the next hour talking about random things. Andy had her laughing at the antics he and his coworkers got into between patients, it reminded her of Lieutenant Provenza. They parted with a short hug and the promise of her calling him this time to set up date number three.

It seemed getting out for breakfast helped clear her head. For when she went back across the street to the PAB and started looking at all their evidence on the murder board, something Andy said in their conversation clicked in her brain and they had the case closed by that night. Now she was resting under her covers, happy she took a chance to open up herself when all she wanted to do was hide. That day in his office was humiliating. It had taken so much to bring herself to ask him out to dinner that she wasn't ready to let herself go back to that place again. A person could only take so much rejection.

Since the day Andy drove her home and she took Gavin's advice to trust and follow her heart and let him in, they had spent every moment together their busy professions would allow. Now, in the short time she had spent with Andy, he had become her world, it was as if they had known each other for years. Months of dates, of going to the movies, ballgames, charity events, dinners and just being together had led to this.

They got the chance to meet for a late lunch that day. Sharon had the day off but Andy was in between surgeries and had to get back to the hospital. It was easy enough for them both to accept the other's irregular schedules and they would settle for what little time together they could get. When Andy walked her to her door, he slid one hand into his pocket and said, "I had a great time, Sharon. Enjoy the rest of your day off, maybe get some rest?" Using one hand around her waist he pulled her into a deep kiss. Personal contact wasn't a new thing between them but he knew too much made her anxious. So not wanting to overwhelm her, Andy stepped back and with a smile he added, "Goodbye, I'll call you later tonight when I get home. Love you." They both went silent, frozen in time, at what he had just admitted. Finally, Andy leaned in to give her a light kiss, then turned and left.

Sharon stood there still unable to move. While her brain was trying to comprehend the words he had said, her eyes were watching the man she loved walk away. Her heart was beating faster at the panic of a missed opportunity. As she saw Andy turn the corner and go out of view, her brain was now screaming at her feet to move. Could she do this? Could she say those words out loud? She had to try; by the time she made it to the elevators, he was gone. Sadly, Sharon slowly turned to go back to her door, but her hand quickly reached out and hit the down button. She was used to the battle between her heart and her brain, though this was the first time she could remember her heart winning.

As the elevator doors closed with Sharon inside, she saw her reflection. She looked happy, Andy always did have that effect on her. Though she was feeling nervous, she was thankful it wasn't from anxiety. Well, it was, but it was a good anxiety, a need to get to Andy. She fixed a wayward hair or two then stepped out of the ever so slow elevator. Looking around, her heart dropped, he was nowhere to be found. Feeling defeated and not wanting to go back to her empty condo, she headed to a bench in front of her building. Sharon slowly sunk down on it and sat back. She closed her eyes and tilted her head back absorbing the late afternoon sunshine.

She was soaking in the heat her cold body needed when over the bustle of the city noise she heard, "Is this seat taken?"

Startled, she looked up. Sharon put a hand to her forehead to shield her eyes against the late afternoon sun, but from the voice alone she already knew who it was. "Andy? I thought you left. Didn't you need to get back to the hospital?"

He stepped sideways to block the sun for her and with a lopsided grin, he said, "I do but I needed a moment and decided to take a walk. Then I happened to come across a beautiful woman sitting alone and I couldn't help but come say hello." Andy lifted a hand to wave and said, "Hello."

"Hello, to you too. Would you care to sit down?" Sharon scooted over on the bench to make room for him. Andy opted to sit right beside her, with his thigh touching hers. They sat next to each other and enjoyed the moment. After some time, Sharon reached over and took his hand from its resting place on her knee and intertwined their fingers. She felt Andy tighten his hold. Her confidence grew, but not enough to actually look at him. As she was about to open her heart to him, she kept her eyes on the passing traffic and whispered, more to the wind than to him, "I love you, too." No sooner than the words escape her lips, did her heart freeze. When it was beating again, it was racing in her chest. What was she thinking? Could she handle this? She could feel her pulse picking up speed. She didn't want to go through an attack here in front of the world or more so in front of Andy. Sharon tried to pull her hand away to stand up. She was met with resistance, but he let go.

Andy only released her hand so she wouldn't feel trapped, she had experienced enough of that in her life. He could see that she shocked herself with her admission. He was happy to hear Sharon say it but he didn't want her to regret it. "I let go of your hand, but please don't leave just yet." He could hear her breathing going too fast so he used his doctor voice to calmly say, "Sharon, it's alright. Take a deep breath." He didn't think he was getting through to her so to help her he repeated it and added, "You didn't have to say it back to me. That wasn't how I wanted to say it but I'm glad it slipped out."

It was hard because she liked spending time with Andy and she really cared for him but she knew that would lead to him wanting something more and Sharon wasn't sure she could give him that, she couldn't even think about it right now. The panic was setting in fast. She needed to take slower breaths before she passed out from hyperventilating. Listening to Andy's smoothing voice helped. Usually it irritated her when someone tried to calm her down but there was something about Andy's that actually did calm her. Now, with the way she reacted to her own words he was thinking she didn't mean it. She needed to explain herself so after a deep cleansing breathe she softly said, "Andy, I love you, I do, but... I don't think I can give you what you..." Sharon swallowed hard she didn't really want to talk about this but maybe it was better to get it out now before they continued this any farther. "I can't give you what you will eventually want and need out of this relationship." She was focused on the crack in the sidewalk as she kept inhaling and exhaling.

"Sharon, stop. The fact is yes, I want you but... it will keep. What I want most is to just be with you. Spending time with you is what I look forward to every day." Andy took her hand in his when she was still staring at the ground he pleaded, "please look at me." Getting no reaction, he used one hand to tilt her head up and looked her into her tear-filled eyes. Andy used the pad of his thumb to wipe away an escaped teardrop, gave her a lopsided smiled before saying, “I will wait."

~TBC~


	9. Chapter 9

~Her Sanctuary~  
Chapter 9  
This is an A/U fic. It's inspired from a picture Tony posted of himself in a doctor's outfit.  
Disclaimer: I own nothin' of Major Crimes, nothin'!  
Trigger warning: anxiety/panic attack  
________________________________________  
Sharon felt a shiver run through her as the cold seeped into her entire body. It was then she realized she must have been sitting on the chilled tile floor for probably over a half hour now. Though she didn't know the exact time because she wasn't wearing her watch nor was she wearing much of anything else. That thought made her shudder harder. She wasn't sure if the panic attack or the embarrassment was worse.

It didn't really matter at this point, it was all humiliation she felt either way. It took her over half the time she was in there to just control her anxiety. With a shaky hand, she roughly yanked up a wayward strap that had fallen from her shoulder. When she bought this outfit, she had smiled and really thought she could handle what would happen next, but… "Ugh," she uttered out loud, she couldn't believe she had freaked out. Sharon pulled her legs up to her chest, wrapped her arms around them and rested her chin on her knees. She knew it was a mistake to try this. It was too soon. Well, it was too soon for her. She was positive he was over all this by now. A person could only be patient, to wait for so long, before they figured out she wasn't worth it and give up.

It had been quiet beyond the door she was leaning on for a while now. He probably left after the fool she made of herself and she wouldn't blame him. She felt the tears slide down her cheeks, leaving a warm path in their wake. Sharon didn't bother wiping them away. Why should she when there was just more to follow? She quickly lifted her head when she heard a knock on the door her back was against.

More tears fell swiftly when she heard Andy talking in a soft voice, "Sharon, I'm dressed and the bed is made. I'll leave if you want me to…" He paused when he heard a sniffle come from the other side of the barrier between them. It seemed to him there was always something in the way of them being together. It was either physical like a door, or mental like Sharon having the walls up that stopped her from letting herself see how much he truly cared for her. Knowing she was in there crying, Andy's heart broke for her. With a deep breath he continued, "I'll go if you want me to but you have to say it out loud. If I go, I'll only leave after someone gets here." As more silence passed, he gave up hope that she would ask him to stay. "Who can I call for you? Rusty or Gavin, maybe Andrea?" When there was still no answer Andy got more concerned. He had given her time and given her space. He didn't want to overwhelm her or embarrass her, which was the last thing he wanted. Letting out a sigh he said, "alright, I'll go make a phone call," then left her bedroom.

She was sure, so very sure that she wasn't worth all this trouble. To Sharon, she was broken, a fragment of what she used to be. After surviving Jack, she had picked herself up and continued on the best she could. She had two young kids that needed her, that's what got her through the hard days back then. They were grown now and so was Rusty. She knew they didn't really need her, though of course they said they did. It came to the point in recent months that it turned out it was she who needed them. Sharon Raydor did need the kids to help her want to get out of bed, to be her motivation, to call her or in Rusty's case pound on her door and tell her to get up. She was a fiercely independent woman who hadn't needed anybody, but ended up with barely the will to wake up in the morning. That was hard for her to accept.

Over the last month that had been changing in a way, Andy was showing her without even knowing he was, the difference between want and need. You can need someone but not want them, and you can want someone but not need them or you can have both. It was when he took the time to explain how he wanted her, but also, he needed her that she began to understand her feelings for him. Besides her kids, Sharon couldn't remember anyone needing her and she was learning after spending time with him it was always nice to be needed. Andy had been so patient with her, but when he said he'd wait for her, Sharon was sure he didn't expect this. He couldn't have known what he was in for. What she expected was for him to give up on her at any time, even though she knew he loved her. Andy told her everyday how much he cared and showed her in everything he did, but sometimes love just isn't enough, especially with how messed up she was.

Sharon was startled out of her thoughts when the door across from her opened. She tried to pull the red negligee she was wearing down over her legs, but it was useless. There wasn't enough material to hide anything. If she kept tugging on it, it would surely rip because the material was so sheer. In a panic, she looked around and quickly tried to reach for a towel but it was too far.

Seeing her watery green eyes and what Sharon was trying to do, Andy took the large bath towel that was hanging up and covered her with it. He cleared his throat and stated, "Some advice for you, Sharon. When you are going to lock yourself away in a bathroom, you might want to make sure you lock both doors."

"I thought you left. Andy, you can go, I'd understand." Sharon didn't look up at him. She couldn't, she wasn't sure she was ready to see in his eyes what he must think of her.

"I'm not leaving, ever. I love you, nothing will change that. I know you might not want to talk about what happened, but I will listen when you are ready." Andy moved a little closer to her. When she didn't react, he stepped closer still. The last thing he wanted to do was cause her to panic again. With a soft but firm voice, he told her, "I said I will wait and I mean it, Sharon. I will wait for you even if nothing more ever happens between us. Being your friend and being by your side means everything to me."

The whole time he was talking, Sharon was sniffing and wiping her eyes with the tissues from the box he handed her from the bathroom counter. She shook her head, "you don't have to say that or do all this. It's my problem to deal with." After tossing a few tissues into the trashcan under the sink, she added doubtfully, "I'm not sure it will ever get better."

"That's where you are wrong. Your problems are my problems and you will get through this." Andy slowly bent down to sit on the floor next to her; he let out a sigh of relief when Sharon laid her head on his shoulder. At least she was willing to still touch him. He had been worried she wouldn't let him anywhere near her again. "You are a strong woman, but let me help carry that load you have weighing you down. Talking about it will help. I know you don't want to, but please know that nothing, and I do mean nothing, you say or have done or that happened to you will make me walk out that door."

Her voice grew lower as she spoke her inner feelings, "I am not worth the trouble and time you are putting in to deal with… this," she tapped the side of her mixed-up head. She was more worried he would agree with her and leave. Though she knew it would be better for Andy to give up on her, deep down inside she hoped he wouldn't, but she wasn't capable of coming out and asking that of him. It would be too selfish of her to put someone else through this with her.

"I'm sorry, Sharon, but you are stuck with me. We are friends first and foremost, right?" Andy ran his fingers through her hair and held the back of her head to look into her damp green eyes. "I kind of like what's in there," he kissed the top of her head. "You are beautiful, but you are more than that. You are the smartest, sharpest woman I know and that's what made me fall in love with you. I do have to admit it's your intelligence that turns me on the most about you, though I do love the whole package." Andy was concerned he had pushed it too far, but he couldn't help it. He wanted her to know the truth.

She laid her head back on his shoulder as they sat there quietly, absorbed in the moment, both soaking in what the other had said. He had been very worried earlier when she panicked and ran from her bedroom. They were taking things slow, but something he did or maybe the act itself must have overwhelmed her and brought on her anxiety. He felt horrible about it all, seeing her like that scared him, thinking he was the cause of it made him feel worse. Andy was content now that she was calmer and letting him be beside her.

Sharon was content that he was willing to still be there, sitting with her and not pushing her for anything more. With a groan, Andy broke the silence, and then asked, "do you think we could move to the living room? I don't think my back can take much more time on the bathroom floor." He tried to move a little to get more comfortable, but nothing was working. "We can sit on the couch and watch something you pick out. I'll even make you some tea, that is if I can stand. Deal?"

Letting out a small laugh, she agreed. Her body wasn't enjoying sitting on the floor either. "I don't want to watch anything though. Do you think we can sit on my bed and rest for now? I'm completely drained, and I think I would like to be held by the most surprisingly understanding patient man I have ever known."

Andy nodded and smiled as he stood up as quickly as his age would let him get up off a cold hard floor. He turned and held out a hand to Sharon, "allow me, my dear." He had one hand in hers and one on her elbow; he kept it there until she was steady on her feet. He gave her a lopsided grin, "well, I am full of surprises." Andy leaned in closer but leaving her personal space, "and Sharon, you are worth all this and so much more."

When she was standing, she needed to stretch from the ache in her hip. The movement and the shiver from his voice so close to her ear caused the towel to drop. Feeling exposed, she quickly reached for her dark green terry-cloth robe that was hanging on the back of the bathroom door. Andy took it from her and held it as she slipped her arms into it. She wrapped it around herself and watched as he tied the belt at her waist, looking up into a pair of brown caring eyes she said, "I'm very lucky to have found you." With a shrug she added, "maybe not the way I met you, but it seems as if we were destined to meet." On the tips of her toes, she gave him a quick kiss and said a soft, "thank you," against his lips, to let him know she was grateful for him and all he was doing for her.

On the way out of the bathroom, Sharon made sure to avoid the mirror, she had no desire to see what a mess she looked like, though she did try and smooth out her unruly hair. She kept the robe on and crawled into bed, bringing the covers up to her neck. Andy went to make their tea as she got comfortable in her sanctuary sitting against the headboard. When he came back with their cups, he set hers down on the nightstand next to her then went and sat in the chair across from the bed. Sharon knew he was keeping his distance for her sake. The first thought that ran through her mind was he didn't want to be near her. With a shake of her head to try and distill the negative thoughts, she made herself say, "Andy, are you ok? I hope you know you don't have to sit way over there, unless you want to."

Andy didn't think she could be more beautiful or that he could love her more than he did now. She was the one having a hard time, but here she was reaching out to him. Sharon was always concerned about others and put their needs before her own, though he knew it was mostly so she didn't have to deal with her problems. He took a drink of the tea before replying; "I'm fine and no, I don't want to be this far away from you, but you need your space and I am happy over here."

Sharon didn't think she could love him more than she did at that moment. She knew he didn't want to push and that Andy was doing all this just for her. Well, if she couldn't give her body to him completely yet, Sharon wanted to show him she did still care about him deeply and she did want him closer to her. "No, you’re not and it's fine to sit by me. I'm still cold and could use your heat."

"Cold? You have layers on, including a blanket and a quilt. Plus, you have it drawn up to your…" when Andy saw her eyes darken, he knew it was a different kind of cold she was feeling. It was the kind of chill that ran deep inside to one's core, the kind that felt like you would never be warm again. He quickly set his cup down and went to turn off the bathroom light, leaving a low glow in her bedroom from the lamp on her nightstand.

He settled on the bed near her, yet he did not touch her. Sharon leaned over to her right and took a sip of the tea he made her, turned off the light, then slid to her left, closer to him. "Andy, you can't keep me warm way over there," she said as she molded against him, laying her head on his chest. She let out an "hmmm," when she felt his arm wrap around her and hold her tight. She just felt safe in his arms, which to her seemed strange since less than an hour ago she was running from this very spot. Deciding not to overthink it, she just relaxed into the moment.

There was silence for a long time. Just when Andy had thought she had fallen asleep, there was a quiet shaky voice spoken into the darkness. "They said they had come back to finish off the ice-cold bitch that lied and put a good cop in jail. First they would have their fun with me and make sure I suffered just like I caused so many others to do." Sharon was quiet again. There was a stillness in the room, Andy didn't move a muscle or say anything. He barely took a breath. He knew this was her time to get it all out and he didn't want her to stop. He needed her to know he was there for her, so he pulled her in tighter to his side and held her while she let it all rush out.

~TBC~


	10. Chapter 10

~Her Sanctuary~  
Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I own nothin' of Major Crimes, nothin'!   
Trigger warning: anxiety/panic attack  
________________________________________  
Sharon couldn't stop herself if she tried. It was like a dam had burst within her and there was no way to hold back the waters or in this case the words now. The only difference was when she spoke again, her voice was a bit more confident, "Andy, the guy was a dirty cop. He was so bad, that in fact, he was dirtier than I was after being stuck in that filthy disgusting place they left me in for three days. Honestly, I don't fire good officers. I investigate and gather information for a long time before taking any action at all. Just ask anyone in the LAPD because I bug them all by hanging around and asking too many questions, and believe me, I am very thorough in everything I do." 

Andy smiled to himself at the determination in her voice, as Sharon got defensive of her job. From what he knew of her, he was positive she was good at what she did and didn't let anyone stand in her way. He felt her take a couple deep breaths before she continued, "Anyway, the two guys said their boss's name, whom I know by now was an Officer Wattly that I had investigated back in my IA days. I'm not sure if the idiots had realized they let the name slip or they didn't care anymore since they weren't planning on letting me live much longer. They proceeded to take joy in explaining vividly and graphically all the fun things the both of them were going to do to me." Sharon cringed at the memory and buried herself deeper into and Andy's warm hold.

He happily held her as close as possible. Andy was grateful that she didn't back away from him or start to be short of breath in a panic, it couldn't be easy to relive such a tragic event. From the strength of her voice, she was using her anger at who did this to her to get through it all. Inside he was feeling very proud of Sharon for being able to tackle something so harsh. He knew from the time spent with her that it was a hard thing for her. Andy also knew that she saw it as a weakness, to need help or to let it out, but to him he saw it as a strength. He felt humbled that she turned to him, that the formidable Captain Sharon Raydor trusted him and felt safe enough with him to let him be there for her.

She was surprised at how easy the words came out of her. Sharon had been so sure she would never tell anyone what happened in that place. It was her deep dark secret to keep locked inside, for her to suffer through it alone. She had really just wanted it all to go away but over time she found out how wrong she was. It would not disappear by ignoring what happened to her and by keeping it locked inside the way she had been, it ate her alive. Doing what she was doing was letting those men ruin her life over and over again by destroying her happiness.

Even without Andy saying it, she knew in her heart he wouldn't judge her by what had happened. It was just that it was so hard for her to trust anyone, but it was a like weight was lifting off of her with each word she spoke, making it easier for her to continue opening up. "When they were done laughing at their ideas of a 'fun times' as they described it, the two men were discussing if they should just shoot me in the head this time when they were done with me, to put my out of my misery or leave me there to die slowly. I decided then and there that it was my last chance to get out. There was no way anyone was going find me in time. The hardest part was trying to stay conscious, between the pain and the loss of blood it wasn't easy to do."

She could feel herself withdrawing as she thought of the worse part of being held captive. Andy must have sensed something or felt her stiffen at the memories because he tightened his grip around her, not enough to frighten her, but enough to just say I'm here for you and you're safe. Feeling more empowered than she had felt in a long time, Sharon's voice strengthened as she spoke. "I wasn't going to let them touch me ever again. They hadn't gone too far yet, on orders of their boss, but they made sure to physically and mentally torture me whenever they could. My clothes hadn't faired very well through the crash or through their rough treatment of me, so I had spent days in a now ragged shirt with only a few buttons left. I was grateful that I chose to wear slacks that day, though they were ripped too. When they came at me, I didn't fight anymore. I wanted them to think I had given up. I didn't move, but observed what was around me. That's when I realized they both were always wearing guns and this time was no different."

As Sharon was explaining the experience, her fingers had been tracing patterns on Andy's chest. In the beginning, they had been above his t-shirt, but now her hand was underneath it with her palm placed flat against his chest, to feel each beat of his heart. The tempo of his heartbeat calmed her and helped her to understand that he was here for her and would help her through this. She had the need to feel his body heat; between her being up against him and her hand over his heart, Sharon was absorbing as much as she could. The warmth ran through her and gave her strength to continue. "So, I bided my time to be able to get my hands on one of their weapons. As the first disgusting scumbag dropped his pants," Sharon tried but couldn't fight back the shudder that ran through her. She remembered the dreadful feeling that she wasn't going to make it out of there alive, and if she did, would she be able to live with herself.

Even with Andy next to her, she could feel her pulse rate getting faster and she started to get dizzy. It was a soft reassuring voice that stopped her from hyperventilating. "I'm right here Sharon and you are safe." He was worried that she'll think he thought less of her for what happened, but in truth, he cared for her more deeply because of what she went through. It has made her who she is today, and he can't seem to express enough how he feels that she is still here with him. All he could tell her is, "I'm here for you, always."

Taking comfort in his words, Sharon took a couple of slow cleansing breaths, closed her eyes, then she went on. "When he dropped his pants to have 'their fun,' the sound of a thud caught my attention. It was the holster with his gun in it dropping to the ground. It was the first time in days that I had some hope of getting out of there. The idiots didn’t seem to care about it. I suppose there was only one thing on their mind or maybe they forgot what my profession was and only saw me as their prize."

"Or," Andy interjected. "They underestimated what a badass woman you are Sharon," he added with a lopsided smile on his face that caused her stomach to awaken with a flutter. The things just this man's smile could do to her. It was a nice feeling to associate what happened to her with happy warm feelings instead of the bile that started to build up in her throat whenever she thought about it.

Not being able to resist, Sharon smiled and leaned in giving him a quick kiss. He did have way of giving her the courage to face her demons. "Well, whatever they thought about me they had one thing on their minds, but then again so did I, getting a hold of the gun. I had made up my mind that there was no way in hell this was how it was going to end. So after not eating for three days and with the blood loss, I used all the strength I could muster, which believe me, wasn't all that much. I don't know where it came from, but when the man with the dropped pants came closer to me and used his foot to nudge my legs apart, I kicked him in the…. Well, let's just say I kicked him where I can guarantee he'll never have any children, if he can even have sex again that is." Sharon laughed at that and tucked her face into his shoulder.

"Ouch," Andy cringed as a guy feeling that pain, but after what they had put Sharon through he thought they got off too easy. "Nice shot, though he deserved that and much more."

"Sadly, my one regret was that I lost my shoes in the crash because I would have really like to have kicked him with my heels on, just to add to the pain and damage." Her mind drifted to her favorite pair of Manolo Blahnik's.

Andy took in the look of heartbreak on her face and asked. "Let me guess, you are thinking about your long-lost shoes?" She nodded a yes through her laughter. Her laugh built up until she ended up with a snort laugh. Her eyes went wide and hand covered her mouth. Sharon bent her head so her hair hid her reddened face. "Very sexy." Andy tucked a few stray strands of her thick hair behind her ear and when he saw doubt in her eyes he explained why. "It is sexy because it shows me you are not afraid to be yourself around me. Sharon, don't ever be worried about being you. I love you just the way you are." He smiled, "snort laugh and all."

Realizing that she now laughed more with him then she had in months, "Thank you, Andy." She never thought in a million years that she would be laughing when telling her story and it was all because of this man next to her. After another soft kiss, Sharon continued knowing she needed finish this to have some closure. "So, since the man's pants were around his ankles when he fell, he tripped and tumbled into the other idiot, from the sound of it, hurting his arm in the fall. The other guy fell back hitting his head on the floor. He groaned holding his temple." Sharon shrugged, then in a no regrets kind of voice said, "he might have been bleeding just a little."

Andy looked into her eyes, hearing the coldness in her tone, He was glad it wasn't meant for him. He placed his hand on hers. "After what they put you through, I think they deserved much more pain."

Sharon turned her hand over intertwining her fingers with his and squeezed his hand tight. She was thankful for his support. She gave him a quick smile before saying. "I suppose they were distracted by their own injuries and the ear-piercing screams of the man writhing on the ground holding his groin. So, without them noticing, I reached as far as my pain would let me. Then I pushed through a little farther and grabbed his gun that was laying on the ground. I guess it was lucky that my right wrist wasn't broken because I could hold the gun up enough with the help of my left arm. To get their attention over the wailing, I shot a hole in the wall." She laughed a little at that memory. "The shock on their faces was almost worth being there."

She felt the hand on her hip still as he gave her a stern glare, "I did say almost." Sharon smirked at Andy. "Then I commanded they give me a phone or I would aim at one of them. I could tell they didn't seem to believe me, so I felt obliged to remind them that I did know how to use the gun I was holding. Just for an example, I aimed for one of their many empty beer bottles, this one just happened to be lying between one of their legs, when it exploded. The one not whimpering in pain quickly slid his phone to me." The scared looks on their faces made her smile, it was nice to get some revenge on her captors. "Earlier while I was checking out my surroundings, I had seen the handcuffs they used on me the first day. They later took them off of me after they decided I wasn't a threat to them anymore, I guess. There was also duct tape and unused zip-ties. It was easy enough to get them to tie their feet together and then handcuff themselves to each other."

Sharon cleared her throat before speaking again, "I said in my scariest captain's voice I could, ‘that if they moved or tried to open the door the next time I would not be shooting at beer bottles between their legs, I would be aiming a bit higher.’ I managed to force myself to my feet. I had to fight off the dizziness from the pain that was shooting through my entire body. I locked them in the room they had dumped me in days before. As the adrenaline to get me out of the room wore off, I leaned against the door and slid to the ground. The last thing I remember was dialing my second-in-command's cell number." She laid there still for a few minutes letting him, well both of them absorb all she told him.

Amazed at what the woman in his arms had gone through, he couldn't help but kiss her, as he held his free hand on her cheek. When he pulled back, he said with pride in his voice, "remind me not to get on the dark side of Darth Raydor."

She was smiling from the sudden kiss, but then gasped. Her eyes narrowed as she asked, "How did you hear that name?" Sharon was surprised to hear Andy call her that.

"I think it was your Detective Sanchez. The first night you were in the hospital, I came out to give your team an update on your condition, he said that there was no way someone could take down Darth Raydor and that the suspects were complaining about all the pain they were in. He also said they were lucky that you let them live." Andy smoothed his hand along her cheek and into her hair. He enjoyed the feel of the silk strands and that she was letting him touch and comfort her, but he was immediately concerned when she groaned.

She groaned again before saying, "oh God." Then she tucked her head into his shoulder, embarrassed at what Julio had called her.

Andy laughed at Sharon's reaction. He thought it was rather cute that her cheeks were pink with embarrassment before she hid her face from him. It had been obvious that her team was impressed by her and very protective of her. "What? I like it; actually, from what I've heard about you it fits you perfectly. Oh, and there's more, then that grumpy looking Lieutenant Provenza actually laughed and said, 'that living wasn't too lucky for them since the Wicked Witch wasn't done with them. There were still deals to be made and the idiots would be on the losing end.'" Andy looked at her asking, "Wicked Witch, huh and what did he mean about deals?"

She nodded thinking that sounded just like her lieutenant, though he didn't like her making deals when she first took over Major Crimes. As she was getting over her embarrassment of what he had heard her team say about her, she was finally getting a bit hot so she unwrapped herself from her layers and moved closer to Andy. She chose to ignore the question about how she earned her nicknames from her time as head of IA. "As for deals," Sharon held her hand up with her thumb against her fingers and motioned with her hand to emphasize her point, "it's just something I really like, finishing a case to the very end. Once a suspect makes a deal with the LAPD and the District Attorney's office there is no chance of parole. Sorry, that's probably more information then you were wanting."

He could hear the passion for her job in her voice. Andy was content to listen to her talk about anything, mostly because he was happy she was willing to be this close to him after all that happened earlier when they tried to move to the next level of their relationship. He was really interested in her job as well. "No, I find your job very fascinating. In fact, I had actually wanted to be a police officer."

She did feel a lot better and lighter after telling him what she had been hiding inside for so long, but she was ready to change the subject and maybe learn more about him. So, Sharon snuggled in deeper to his side and laid her head on Andy's chest to where she could still look up at him. She asked, "Really, you wanted to join the force? What changed your mind?"

Andy had taken in everything that she described about what had happened to her and knew that she was now turning the conversation in his direction. He figured this was a good thing. He was relieved that Sharon hadn't panicked too much when she spoke of it and when her anxiety did rise; he was able to be there to help her. She had gotten it out and she seemed calmer now than he had ever seen her before. He looked down into curious sparkling green eyes and reveled in the feeling of having this woman he had come to care for comfortable to be so close to him that it took him a minute to speak. Finally gathering his thoughts together, he told her, "In my younger wilder days, my brother and I kind of "borrowed" our cousin's motorcycle. We ended up getting stopped by the police and that's when I thought I'd go into law enforcement, but a week later my same idiot brother, that obliviously didn't learn his lesson, unlike me, stole the bike again and dumped it. Our family ended up at the hospital waiting for them to repair his leg, which he had managed to break in several places. After we knew he wasn't in dire straits or dying, I watched the hustle and bustle of the things going on around me and found it all fascinating. Things just seem to click in me and I knew that's where I wanted to be." As Andy explained his story, he was absentmindedly rubbing his hand up and down her back. Even though it was through her robe, he was still happy that Sharon was letting him touch her more and more.

Her hand was once again smoothing circles on his chest. "Well, if you ever wanted to join the force let me know. I'd be happy to have you on my team. I'm sure we'd work great together." Sharon smiled up at him.

Not being able to resist her pull, Andy slowly lowered his head to hers. He gave her time to move away if she didn't want this. He stopped again as he was a breath away from her to let her make the decision. He was sure it was Sharon that closed the gap between them; they were both smiling as their lips meet. As their kiss grew deeper and more passionate, Andy forced himself to pull away from her soft lips and tell her. "As much as I like kissing the famous Darth Raydor, I want you to rest." When he saw her start to pout he added firmly, "doctor's orders."

She quickly kissed him again before arguing with her Raydor glare, "You are not my doctor anymore, Andy. You did make that clear, remember." Her voice didn't carry any bitterness about what had happened between them anymore. It was flirty.  
"True, very true but I am still a doctor and it's an order from me so that makes it a doctor's order. Now, let's get some rest, then we can finish what we started." With that, he pulled her closer into him.

"Promise?" When Andy nodded, Sharon let out a peaceful sigh as she got comfortable, tucking one of her legs over his and wrapping it under his calf. She realized she had to just accept that he was once again right. "Hmm, fine but we will finish this in the morning." She contently closed her eyes and laid her head on Andy's chest as he pulled the covers over them both. She felt warm and safe in her sanctuary and was asleep in seconds.


	11. Chapter 11

~Her Sanctuary~  
Chapter 11  
Disclaimer: I own nothin' of Major Crimes, nothin'!  
Trigger warning: anxiety/panic attack  
A warning: this chapter could be on the edge of a M rating. Maybe?  
________________________________________  
A few hours later, Sharon slowly woke up to a dark room. She was a bit disoriented at first. Usually she slept with the nightstand light on, the dim glow helped her when she awoke in a panic. It took her a minute to realize she was safe in her bed. After taking a deep breath, she remembered she wasn't alone. It was the way her body reacted that reminded her she wasn't the only one in her sanctuary.

Sharon couldn't help the smile that grew on her face when she felt the hard, and she did mean hard, body pressed against her back. She had fallen asleep in the warmth of his arms and it was the best night's sleep she had in months. She knew it was because Andy was holding her. It was also because she felt lighter; the weight of what happened to her was lifting. It was still there, but it wasn't weighing her down as much, not such a heavy burden. He had listened to her while she talked and she didn't feel judged or embarrassed like she thought she would. She knew he held her heart, but now she was comfortable enough and ready to give him the rest of her. Quite honestly, her body was in desperate need of him. She needed that release and to have the power of controlling her own body. Sharon tried to go there last night, but too many bad memories held her back. They sent her into an anxiety attack. Now after their talk, she was ready to make new memories.

What Sharon didn't know was that Andy had been awake for a while now. He was happy to just lay there with this amazing woman in his arms. He was grateful that Sharon had opened up to him. He held no blame on her and was glad she had gone all Darth Raydor on those idiots, but he was still worried about her state of mind. He knew it would take more than opening up to him to help her over all the inner and outer pain she still felt. Andy hoped this would be a great start in her willingness to see a therapist again. He wanted to hold her tighter to him, but he didn't want to wake her or more importantly, he didn't want to scare her away.

Maybe it was something in his breathing that gave him away, because he suddenly felt her grind against him. Andy let out a low growl and pulled her closer to his chest. He moved his cheek into her hair and whispered into her ear, "Sharon, you have no idea how much I need you, but I want you to be ready. You need to be absolutely sure this is what you want and until then we can wait."

"Andy, I think you've waited long enough and one thing I'm sure of is that I want you. I'm ready." She took his hand that was on her hip and brought it in-between her thighs. 

He could feel just how ready she was. He took her lead and ran both their fingers along her damp underwear causing them both to moan. Andy took an intake of breath when he felt Sharon move his other hand that rested across her abdomen. She raised it up and under her shirt to rest on her breast. He couldn't help but flex his fingers around the soft flesh. He slid his body up closer still to her. Kissing his way up her exposed sleek neck, he reached her earlobe and asked softly, "Are you sure? After what happened last night, I think you need some time."

Sharon tensed at the memory of what happened the last time. She didn't want to think about it, but she knew she had to face it. She had been so worried that she had pushed the man she loved away for good, but there was no way to stop what was happening to her. She knew when the anxiety was this far along, it burned through her chest. She had to let the panic run its course. All she could do was breathe her way through it, try to relax and not panic more, which was hard because her full-blown attacks would cause her to panic even more. It became a vicious circle, a battle she fought within herself. Sharon was embarrassed at her actions when they almost made love.

They were so close to becoming one, but as Andy moved over her and parted her legs, the memory of her attackers came rushing back, and sent her mind and body into a panic. The pressure in her chest was too much and she couldn't breathe. It was then Sharon pushed him away as hard as she could and quickly stumbled out of bed. She hurried to her bathroom and slammed the door closed as if trying to keep out the vile flashbacks that she didn't want to think about or feel anymore. As she fought to control her anxiety, she slid to the floor, wrapped her arms around herself and let the tears she had been holding back for months run their course.

Andy had surprised her and stayed. Sharon was sure he would leave as quickly as he could get dressed, only stopping long enough to take his shoes in hand and run. Even after all that had happened with them and what he had witnessed her go through, he had stayed. That alone meant a lot to her, but also for Andy to help her deal with all that she had been repressing. He had gotten her to open up to him. Now after letting it out, which were the memories she had tried to keep bottled up inside, it felt as if they didn't hold power over her anymore. Sharon felt freer than she had in long, long time. Though the darkness was still there, it didn't have the grip on her as it had even hours ago. It was as if a weight had been lifted off of her and she wanted to live in the here and now, not the past. What she needed and wanted was Andy Flynn. All of him.

When she had tensed, Sharon felt him still his movements and pull away from her. She knew he was being careful around her and wouldn't make the next move. She took it upon herself to convince him she was ready. She turned over and laid her head on his shoulder while her hand roamed freely over his chest, and in a low sultry voice she said, "I've never been more sure of anything." To make it clear exactly what she wanted, Sharon pushed her hips up against him, "Andy, I want you, but more so, I need you." As she looked up at him she breathlessly replied, "make love to me."

Andy saw the strength, want and love in her eyes and knew she needed this. He wanted to help her create new wonderful memories to help get rid of the old horrible ones or at least to help them fade away some. She wanted him as much as he wanted her. He felt the proof of Sharon's desire against him as wetness soaked through the red silk underwear she wore. With a growl, he leaned up, their lips connected hard as he kissed her passionately. Needing a breath of air, Andy gave her a lopsided grin as he said, "my pleasure." They both moaned as he slowly pushed her onto her back and worked his way down her body with his mouth and hands.

For Andy, there was no stronger force in the world than love and no more of a potent aphrodisiac than seeing that emotion returned to him in the woman's, whom he was completely and utterly in love with, brilliant green eyes. After taking his time to make sure Sharon understood how much he cared for her and seeing to her gratification, Andy slowly lifted himself over her, and leaned up on his arms to give Sharon time to be comfortable with him there. That way she could stop what was happening if she wasn't ready to take the next step of them being joined in a union of heart, body and soul. He hovered over her, resting on his outstretched hands, as he told her, "You have the power to stop this anytime. Sharon, all you have to do is say the word and we'll stop." Andy's eyes lit up as he watched a smile brighten her face. She said nothing; just lifted a hand to his chest, slid it up and over his shoulder to his neck, and pulled him down for a passionate kiss. As he slowly, inch by inch entered her, to keep her mind there with them, Andy whispered how beautiful she was. He huskily spoke of her long-toned legs, and her soft hair. How the green of her eyes reminded him of sunlight shining on the Emerald Isles. Basically, he was saying how much he loved everything about her. He was trying to keep her focused on his voice and his touch, to not let her start to remember the bad memories of what had happened to her.

It took a few minutes for Sharon to focus again after coming off the incredible climax she had reached. It took her even longer to realize for the first time in years her mind wasn't running a mile a minute. It was blank except for her peaceful thoughts of Andy and how much satisfaction and pleasure he had just brought to her. She knew he had been distracting her with all he was saying to her, but it worked. Sharon didn't have any flashbacks or feel any panic. She shivered as if she could feel his breath on her damp skin and what just the sound of his voice did to her.

In the afterglow of their love making, they held each other, both growing tired again. When a noise interrupted the silence, Andy asked, "so maybe a late-night snack?"

Sharon couldn't help but laugh, a laugh that ended in a snort laugh no less, as her stomach rumbled again. Once they both stopped laughing, she agreed, "Yes, I believe we need some food. We did just work up quite an appetite." She gave him a quick kiss, but when she went to pull away, he deepened the kiss. Then there was another sound throughout the room, this time coming from Andy's stomach. She grinned and suggested, "let's go get a bite to eat."

They decided to head to the kitchen in search of a bite to eat to tide them over until breakfast in a few hours. Sharon wrapped herself in her robe she picked up off the floor after using the restroom to freshen up. While Andy took his turn in the bathroom, she sliced cheese to go with the crackers she lined up on a small tray.

She felt warm arms wrap around her waist, as she finished up. Sharon sighed as Andy lifted her hair and moved it off to her left shoulder. She instinctively tilted her head to the side giving him better access to her neck. "Hmmm, that feels great, but we will never get anything to eat if you keep that up," she said almost in a purr, not sounding too convincing.

He continued to work his way along her long slender neck. Stopping at her earlobe to whisper, "keeping it up isn't the problem."

Sharon turned in his arms and swatted his chest. "Very funny, Andy. You know what I meant." She gave him a long deep kiss then stepped back. "Now, I happen to need something to eat to help me recover some energy from our earlier activities. Andy, can you go get the fruit from the fridge?" Using the fork she had used to sneak a piece of fruit from one of the bowls he was carrying, Sharon pointed it at the other side of the counter, "and stay over there."

When they finally finished prepping the food, they both took their trays to the table, but before Andy sat, he slid his chair close to hers. She smiled as their knees touched. It wasn't enough, so she wrapped her ankle around his leg. They talked about random things as they ate. Sharon went to pick up a strawberry, but he took it from her hand. She glared at him, then gave him a sly grin when she saw what Andy was up to.

 

He held it to her lips and was positive that she purposely ran her tongue across his fingers as she took a bite. After sucking in a breath and relinquishing the fruit, Andy not holding back the emotions he felt, couldn't help telling her, "You know, Sharon I think I fell in love with you the minute I saw you." When her eyes went wide, he knew he surprised her with his suddenly admission.

She finished chewing the plump strawberry, then asked confused, "You mean after I woke up from the surgeries?"

Andy shook his head sharply, "no, I mean the second I saw you in the emergency room."

Sharon was shocked at this. "What? In the emergency room? I was a complete disaster and not just from the accident, which turned out wasn't an accident. Then after being held in that disgusting…" She cringed as her mind took her back to that rundown shack. Resisting the want to close her eyes and revert back to her old ways, she looked Andy in the eyes and he gave her the strength to continue, "in that disgusting place. I hadn't bathed. I had sat and crawled on a filthy floor for days." She scrunched up her nose at the thought of how she must have looked and smelled.

Andy reached over and ran his fingers through Sharon's hair then slid his hand down her cheek and cupped her chin. He held her there to look her straight in the eyes. He needed to explain how he really felt about her. "You were beautiful even then, but it wasn't your beauty that I fell in love with. It was your will to fight and not give up. For all accounts, you should have died in the crash. You shouldn't have survived the extreme blood loss. On the way to the hospital…" Andy had to stop to compose himself. The thought that he had almost lost this woman in front of him sent powerful emotions coursing through him. He swallowed back the lump in his throat to continue, "Sharon, in the ambulance you coded twice, then once again in my operating room. You fought back from dying over and over. I could see you were not one to mess with. It was good that I was just as stubborn..." Andy laughed when he saw her eyes narrow as she glared at him over his choice of words. He raised a hand in defense, "determined?"

"Much better," Sharon sighed happily. Then feeling content, she leaned into Andy's warm palm on her cheek.

When she gave him a small smile, he continued, "Alright, I was just as determined to save you as you were to stay in this world. I just had to meet the woman who could cheat death repeatedly and who could survive so much." The room fell quiet as they sat soaking in each other’s presence.

~TBC~


	12. Chapter 12

~Her Sanctuary~  
Chapter 12  
This is an A/U fic, inspired from a picture Tony Denison posted of himself in a doctor's outfit.  
Disclaimer: I own nothin' of Major Crimes, nothin'!  
Trigger warning: anxiety/panic attack  
Warning: maybe a smudge rated M  
________________________________________  
They sat there staring at each other. Andy was giving her some time to absorb what he just admitted to her. Sharon spent those silent minutes over-thinking. She wasn't a fairy-tale kind of girl. She liked rules and order, even in her youth. There was none of that in a princess story and she certainly didn't need a prince to ride in on a white horse to save her. Sharon Raydor was by no means ever a damsel in distress. She could do her own saving, but it was exhausting and she found that it was nice sometimes to have someone to lean on when things went wrong. In the good times, in the regular times or even when they did nothing but sit around the house, it made life easier to have Andy there. Having someone to talk to, someone that understood her, knew how to listen and offer advice when needed was especially comforting.

It had been a long time since she had that kind of relationship, if she ever did. Jack was never really there for her. He was always more into self-preservation. Most importantly in Sharon's world, love-at-first sight didn't exist. It was completely out of the question. Falling head over heels for someone meant you lose yourself, you lose control and she didn't like that at all. It hadn't been there with her ex-husband. No, she never had the love-at-first sight feeling for Jackson Raydor. Sure, he was nice looking but he had to use his charm over time to get a date with her, then to get her to eventually marry him. Now after meeting Andy, Sharon came to realize she might have been wrong on that fact most of her life. He had her rethinking things while she sat next to him at her kitchen table.

As they stared at each other, she thought back to the first time she saw her handsome doctor and those expressive dark brown eyes. She had been at her worst but there was something in his eyes. Somewhere deep inside, Sharon knew at that moment she would never be able to get him out of her head let alone her heart. He embedded himself in there the second their eyes met. It just took her a while to figure out it was love she felt for him. With all of her thinking, she ended up feeling a bit perplexed. Sharon blinked a few times, and then took one of his hands in hers. In a serious tone she asked him, "If you were so taken with me, Andy, then why on that day in your office did you turn me down when I first asked you to dinner?"

He straightened up at the pain he saw in Sharon's eyes and heard the hurt in her voice. He needed to try and explain what he had done, "I was still your medical doctor even though you healed faster than I've ever seen anyone." Andy leaned in and when she didn't back away from him, he closed the space and lightly kissed her. "As I said, I was already in love with you, the problem was, I didn't know how you felt and honestly, you didn't need me anymore." He took their joined hands and stroked his thumb over the back of her knuckles. "Sharon, you were physically healed and having you continue to see me felt like it was holding back the other part of the healing you needed. I had to let you go in order for you to get better."

"The emotional and mental damage I suffered." She stated in a whisper as if in agreement. Sharon stayed focused on their joined hands before looking back up at Andy.

He nodded at her. Then with his free hand, he tucked a stray lock of her hair behind her ear, which had fallen in her eyes. "Yes, Sharon, your body was ahead of the healing scale." To try ease some of the tension he could sense building between them, Andy squeezed her hand and lightly said, "I have to say your body is always ahead of the scale." He received a smirk, then a glare but also a small laugh. Andy turned serious as he added, "You still needed an outlet to release the emotional hurt you had trapped inside."

She agreed, "Yes, being trapped inside myself is a good way to explain how I felt. I had forgotten who I was anymore. I just wanted to hide from the world, but mostly from myself." Her eyes held the sadness of how she used to feel, but she felt much more confident now that Andy was willing to let her talk it out. With everything out in the open, he still wanted to be by her side. Sharon scooted herself closer still to him and kissed him, hoping Andy could feel all that she couldn't express in words. She sat back in her chair as she said, "About my healing being fast, determination and anger can be great motivators."

"I know that a lot of your anger was directed at me telling you no. I did that for you, but in hindsight, I think I made everything worse by turning you down for dinner and not explaining why. Sharon, I am sorry, even if it was done with the best intentions, it was wrong of me to do." At that moment, Andy stood up and with their hands still interlocked he had her stand up too. When he let go of her hand he saw her frown, but he instead pulled her into a hug. Thinking about how close he almost came to losing her from his own wrong choices caused him to hold her tighter. Andy relaxed as he felt her hands slide up his chest to slowly go around his neck. After letting out a relieved sigh, he said, "Not that this makes what I did right, but I need you to know that it was the most difficult thing I ever had to do."

Sharon thought back to the hard times she went through thinking Andy turned her down because he didn't feel anything for her. She was embarrassed and miserable for months. She also thought about how great she felt now in his arms and the loneliness melted away. She leaned back to look at him, but kept her arms around Andy's neck. She smiled as she said; "I guess we both owe our conspiring friends a thank you then, because somehow, Gavin and Andrea set us up that night at the LAPD gala. I can't believe it took me so long to see what those two were up to, but I suppose my mind was distracted by a certain silverfox, as Gavin's calls you." At Andy's gasp, Sharon laughed, "careful, I do think he has taken a fancy to you." When his eyes widened, her laughter got louder. She felt good to laugh again. It had been such a long time for her to even have the desire to be happy.

Andy smiled at her laughter. He was thrilled to see Sharon like this. There was a healthy glow in her cheeks and a sparkle of happiness in her bright green eyes, but then he swallowed hard. LA's toughest lawyer did scare him a little. "You'll just have to tell Gavin Q. Baker I'm taken…" Andy placed both his hands on the sides of her face and said, "tell him I'm taken...for the rest of my life." With Sharon's own gasp, he took the opportunity to kiss her passionately. When he broke the deep kiss, he acted as if he didn't just confess to wanting to spend the rest of his life with her and casually asked her, "So did last night's talk about what you went through help?"

Though Andy was right, letting it out did help, Sharon still rolled her eyes as she questioned him, "don't you get tired of being right all the time?"

He was happy that they talked over the pain he caused her and were passed it. Hurting Sharon was never his intent; it was the last thing he ever wanted to do. With a smirk, Andy replied lightly, "ohh, it is exhausting." He shook his head as he said, "No, not really. No." Hearing her full out laughter come to a snort, he thought it was the most beautiful sound he had ever heard. His goal was to hear more of that music to his ears.

Sharon drew herself up against Andy's firm body having the need to feel his warmth. He was right, talking about it helped even if it was embarrassing to let out her dark secrets and to let someone into her private thoughts. It was very hard for her, but it helped gain her confidence back. With Andy's help, Sharon felt like she had a new lease on life and she was happy to share it with the man that meant so much to her. Feeling that inner-strength again, she threaded her fingers through his hair and said in a demanding voice, "Andy, take me... back to bed."

They ended up getting a few more hours of sleep after once again releasing the built up passion in them. As they woke, both had never felt more refreshed and content. When Sharon rolled out of his arms and turned to face him, it amazed Andy at how her eyes would shine such a brilliant green when she smiled. He vowed then and there that not only was his goal to hear her laugh more, he would make it his main mission in life to see Sharon Raydor's eyes light up as she smiled. It was something he just couldn't live without.

She settled her head on Andy's shoulder as he wrapped his arm around her. They lay there quietly for a while. As her hand roamed lazily over his chest and his drew circles along on her hip bone, he dared to break the calm silence by asking, "I have a question to ask you? It goes back to yesterday, um... about your nicknames."

Sharon wasn't expecting that at all. She lifted her head and propped it up by leaning her chin in the palm of her hand to look at him. Rolling her eyes, she said, "Fine get it out of your system. Go ahead and ask me."

Hoping the smile that lit up the dim room would continue, he teased, "anyone that knows you for a few minutes can see why you are called Darth Raydor." When Andy received a glare, he laughed and said, "Oh, that's what I mean right there. That's the look. I admit I really like the Wicked Witch one." With that Sharon sat up, crossed her arms and eyed him questionably. He sat up too and explained quickly, "really I do like it, and it has a mystery to it. I'd say the person who first called you that saw more into it than you think it meant." Andy dared to kiss the pout off her lips, then gave her a lopsided smirk as he asked, "The important question is. Just how wicked can you be?"

She wasn't really mad, but talking about her dreaded nicknames in bed with Andy wasn't how she wanted to spend her time. Sharon never really liked those names, though she was slightly fond of the Darth Raydor one. It helped spread her tough reputation around the force. The latter one was earned by her just doing her job as head of IA and a smart aleck lieutenant thinking he was funny. As she thought of her days helping the then out-of-control Major Crimes Division, she absentmindedly ran her tongue over her lips. The feel of them tingling from his kiss, caused her to focus once again on Andy.

The look in his eyes and the way he kissed her made her feel special, loved, needed, and just flat out wanted. Those thoughts gave her the sexual prowess to place her hand on his chest and say in a sassy tone, "wouldn't you like to know." Sharon had been holding back a laugh at Andy's Wicked Witch line. Since the night began, she felt lighter and happier than she had since this whole incident started and possibly years before that. Talking to Andy helped release the grip the haunting memories had on her. It was as if she had expelled her demons and they could no longer have possession of her. Their power to drag her deep into the darkness was gone. She was stubborn, as Andy called her, enough to not let them win. She shook her head trying not to let her mind linger in the past; no, Sharon wanted to concentrate on the man next to her. She used the hand on his chest to push him onto his back. Then slowly, she crawled up his body. It didn't take long for them to relieve each other of their nightclothes, especially since she was only wearing Andy's shirt and he was in just his boxers.

Andy moaned as he let Sharon have full control. "I would say you can be very, very wicked. You must be some sort of witch to have this power."

Sharon liked the way Andy said witch, it carried a sexy overtone to it. Now when anyone from the LAPD called her that, behind her back of course, she would never think of the term the same again. In fact, she was sure she would just smile at them as her thoughts drifted back to this very moment, naked in her bed with a very sexy man that desired her. It was just one more thing she would be thankful to Andy for.

Having absolutely no problem taking command, Sharon spent all the time she wanted exploring Andy's body. She was fascinated on the sensitive spots she found in her explorations. There was the typical one behind the ear that made him deck his head, but he always relaxed and gave her access again. She almost giggled when she lightly ran her hands along his ribs and he jumped. Sharon now knew Andrew Flynn was ticklish, but her favorite spot was behind his right knee. Not the left, that one didn't affect him at all. She found the sensitive area by complete accident. It was when she slid her fingers down his muscled thigh, to the soft skin at the bend of Andy's right leg his body tensed. At first she was worried but when she looked up at him, he was smiling so she did it again and again just to hear his breath catch. Sadly Sharon never did finish her exploring because from their panting she knew they were more than ready. So she slowly made her way up his body to lift herself to slide down on top of him.

After they both crested to their climatic high, Sharon basically dropped to the bed beside Andy. Her body felt like Jello, no solid to it at all. She was completely spent. She wasn't even sure if she was awake or dreaming because the way she felt couldn't be real. Her chest heaved, she was short of breath and her heart rate was pulsing so fast she could feel the blood running through her veins. Except this time, it was no anxiety attack. She was not hyperventilating. This was nothing Sharon had ever felt before, ever. What she was experiencing was something out of this world. It took her a few seconds to return; as she slowly opened her eyes, she looked straight into Andy's. She saw so many emotions in the depth of his brown eyes. What stood out the most, was concern.

As he watched her try and catch her breath, he asked, "Sharon, are you alright?" He was worried when she didn't answer him. With the shallow way she was breathing, he hoped he hadn't caused her to have another panic attack. Causing the woman he loved any more pain was the last thing Andy ever wanted to do. He thought maybe this was all too much for her. They were probably moving too fast. He was about to ask if she wanted him to give her space and leave when she spoke.

Finally, able to take a deep breath and stabilize her air intake, with a shaky hand she reached up and brushed back the hair out of her eyes. In a quiet barely there voice that trembled, she questioned, "Do you think maybe you could…" Sharon looked down at the covers not sure if she could ask what she was thinking.

From the uncomfortable look on her face, he thought, oh no here it comes. 'She wants me to leave, but can't find the words to say it.' Andy figured he would do it for her to save her from having to say the words. It would be heartbreaking; soul crushing to let her go, but if leaving her was what she wanted, he would do it. For Sharon Raydor to be happy, he would do almost anything. "Are you sure you are alright? Maybe, I could... what? All you have to do is ask. You know that I'll try within my powers to give you anything you want." When she didn't look at him and still didn't say anything more, Andy sat up and slid to the edge of the bed. He was preparing himself to get dressed and go as he said sadly, "It is all right. I understand, I'll just …"

At the same moment, Andy was saying he would leave, Sharon blurted out, "Do you think we could do what we just did again…soon? That was incredible." The shocked look on Andy's face made her concerned. "Wait, what were you saying and what did you think I was going to say?" Then her over-thinking mind starting running a mile a minute. She noticed Andy had sat up and moved away from her as if to make an exit. What if he didn't feel the same? What if it wasn't as good for him as it was for her? Sharon hadn't been with that many men and it had never been like this with Jack. Her ex was mostly into self-gratifying, then he was done, especially later in their marriage. She felt the need to apologize for assuming and before she could stop herself she said, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't…

Andy lay back down beside her and softly laid a hand on her face. "No, oh God no. Don't even think that, Sharon. It was more than incredible for me and the answer to your question is yes."

Sharon looked at him confused. Her brain had gone from a sexual intense peak to a dejected low so fast that she was in a haze and now it was hard for her to focus. "Yes, to what?" She asked completely uncomprehending what Andy talking about.

He pulled her close to him and explained, "I'm saying yes to what you asked me. Yes, we can certainly do this again very soon." Relieved to see a smile form on her beautiful face, Andy rolled them over to where she was on top of him. She gasped at the quick movement. With a smirk, he said, "actually, I was thinking right now would be a great time, though only if you are all right. Sharon, you worked so hard on your physical recovery that I don't want to set you back. I know your hip still hurts you from time to time."

 

"Oh, I feel no pain." She wiggled above him her to emphasize her words. "I am in fact much more than alright." Growing serious as he looked up at her she said, "I have never felt like this before. The things you do to me Andy, are unexplainable, so I'm not sure I should waste my breath." Sharon shimmed herself to sit higher on his hips, "but know this, I love you and with you I have found the capability to share my burdens but not feel dependent." With a smile, she flipped them over to let him see she was comfortable with him having control too.

He was surprised at her sudden move, but didn't mind it at all. He liked the way her hair spilled wildly across the pillowcase. Andy had never felt this way before either. Everything was just that much more spectacular with this amazing woman. "What I love the most about you Sharon, is your independence. I would never want that to change." He leaned down and passionately kissed her. When they joined together as one, Andy was sure he had found his own sanctuary.

As he filled her body and her heart, Andy kissed away a solitary tear trailing down Sharon's cheek. Their lives had collided in tragic way but it was as if they were made for each other, put together in puzzle perfect pieces. Though her mind drifted from the pleasure he gave her, Andy brought her body back to the brink of ecstasy. As the freefall overtook her, Sharon let go knowing that in the man she loved with her entire being, she had found her true sanctuary.

~The end~


End file.
